Beatles to release new single?

Christ. Just Let it Be. There are no new Beatle singles, just necrophilliac Jeff Lynne mash-ups.

Tiny Dancer

A chihuahua named Dancer goes for the title of smallest dog in the world.

Jack Valenti is no longer with us

The man who sired the movie ratings system (as in PG, PG-13, R) is dead at age 85.

Favorite headline of the year

Captain America Arrested With Burrito In Pants

I take it back

W totally deserves that Purple Heart. Because as his wife points out, no one has suffered for the Iraq war more than they have.

Bush presented with a Purple Heart

636 more days of this shameless, deluded piece of pig excrement.

Jewish kraken?

Some see anti-Semitism in an NRA magazine's caricature of Mayor Michael Bloomberg as a vicious kraken. The claim has history on its side, but the NRA denies any anti-Jewish intent.

Look here for the cover image and decide for yourself.

Happy Earth Day, Dullards!

Do something: Go for a hike. Pick strawberries. Switch to more efficient light bulbs. Use a rake or broom instead of a leaf blower.

More tips here.

Anthony Bourdain knows how to write a review

His reaming of the Food Network's award show makes me actually want to watch to see if it's as terrible as he describes.

RIP, McCain presidential bid

Clearly unfit to serve -- but this country is so frickin' messed up, who knows....

When bassists retire

Bill Wyman, formerly of the Rolling Stones, spends his days looking for spare change on the beach. Now you can buy his fancy metal dectector, signed by the man himself.

Sorrow in Virginia, illogic on TV

The shootings at Virginia Tech are frightening and stunning. I still haven't fully comprehended the magnitude of this event, and my thoughts go out the families and friends affected by the deaths.

Perhaps inevitably, the news will "rekindle debate" (as they say in the media) over gun control. I will tune out such discussion as I've made up my mind on the issue. The same arguments will be hashed out as they were after Columbine, etc., and I don't need to hear them again.

That said, let it be known that the early salvo has come from the pro-gun side. Last night, as I searched for information on the shootings and found only ceaseless prattle on the cable news networks, I saw a host and guest on Headline News agree that the students and faculty should have been armed. Then, it is argued, the professors and students could have taken down the shooter before he could have caused the damage he did.

To quote Penn and Teller, bullshit! By that logic, the TSA checkpoints at airports should be making sure all travelers are armed, not unarmed. How else can airline passengers defend themselves?

UPDATE: My friend Madelyn brings it home in this Washington Post op-ed. (The site may ask for registration.)

Rove and voter suppression

A bit of a slog, but important stuff from Josh Marshall.

Kurt Vonnegut is no longer with us

Dead at 84. So it goes.

UPDATE: This passage from "Slaughterhouse-Five" is my Vonnegut favorite.

Head of Apple resigns

No, the other Apple.

Possible Dullard Feat of Strength

Ride a Big Wheel or similar vehicle down Lombard Street in San Francisco.

Johnny Hart is no longer with us

The man behind "B.C." and "The Wizard of Id" is dead. The increasingly religious overtones of his work caused controversy in the latter part of his career.

UPDATE: Some quibble with the "fundamentalist" label applied to Hart in news stories about his death.

For all my peeps

The Washington Post asked for peep dioramas for Easter. And the people responded — with scenes inspired by "Batman," "The Simpsons" and "Say Anything," among other touchstones of popular culture.

Oasis to do Beatle cover

Wait, isn't that pretty much all they do?

Rocking and sucking

Film critic Roger Ebert says he is winning his fight against salivary cancer. He still cannot speak, however, and is doing physical therapy in Florida. Ebert's latest book is called "Your Movie Sucks," a collection of reviews of his most-hated films.

The title brings to mind the Dullard guidelines for rating movies. Here's how it works. One person says the name of a movie, and as quickly as possible, others in the group respond with one of these choices:

• Rocked
• Sucked
• So-so
• Didn't see it

There's not much room for nuance, though the rules permit you to use "hard" or other modifiers if necessary. Here's an example:

You: "The Namesake."
Me: "Rocked!"

This activity is suitable for any occasion, but especially good on road trips.

NYTimes: The album is still dead

A bit of the pot calling the kettle obsolete here, seeing as newspapers haven't really been too visionary about the whole interwub thing, either. But there you go.

Common sense on Iraq

Leon Panetta, former chief of staff for President Clinton, has some good thoughts in this column in today's New York Times. (Panetta was also a member of the Iraq Study Group — remember that?) He discusses the progress (and lack thereof) and offers thoughtful questions of accountability.

We have ideas and recommendations as well. Read the report of the Dullard Study Group here.

Dullard news ticker

• KITT, the "Knight Rider" car, is for sale.
• Keith Richards says he snorted the ashes of his dead dad. UPDATE: Just kidding!
  
• A drag queen from Ukraine is creating controversy in this year's Eurovision song contest — but s/he is no Lordi.

Sean Hannity in the third person

"If you can't take on little old Sean Hannity, you don't deserve to be president of the United States." — Sean Hannity of Fox News fame, on Hillary Clinton's refusal to be interviewed by him.

Full story on Hannity, if you must, available here.

Open letter to Bigfoot

A columnist in Canada asks the sasquatch to step forward. It's inspired by a TV special that was inspired by this fuzzy video.

Well, then.

Nice to see that Alanis Morissette has gone insane.