The good news for female hyenas

They have a 7-inch long clitoris. Who knew?

The bad news: they have to give birth through it.

Speaking Truthiness to Power

Sometimes, bombing in Washington DC is the most patriotic thing you can do. My wife and I spent our wild Saturday night watching the White House corresponents' dinner, and Stephen Colbert took the administration to task in a snarky way yhat many in attendence either just didn't get, or were offended by. You can watch/read transcripts here and here. There's also a good summary here.

Fun with politics

I love reading the "voters guide" that the local paper puts out ahead of an election. There are always a few freaky people who decide to run. This "naughty" yet Lord-loving optimist is my favorite in this primary; he's running for district judge.

UPDATE: "Naughty" came in a distant third. Apparently voters are not ready for a judge who claims to be both Baptist and Catholic.

Happy Easter Island

Playwright Edward Albee visits remote and mysterious Easter Island. Yes, it's worth the trip, as he writes in the NYT.

Rush gets off the hook

Pill-popping motormouth Rush Limbaugh has cut a deal with John Law to end the investigation into possible doctor shopping. The thrice-divorced radio host — who bills himself as talent on loan from God — will plead not guilty but pay the $30,000 Florida authorities spent on the lengthy probe. Limbaugh also agreed to continue treatment for addiction to painkillers.

'More cowbell' is the new 'Freebird'

Confidential note to the drunk on a date at Taix last night: your girlfriend isn't any more impressed than the band is at your witty Christopher Walken allusion. It's not funny. It's tedious. Funny when Christopher Walken did it. Not funny when you repeat it. Every goddam time you go hear live music.

Oh, and thanks for coming out to support the band! You're the reason we do this!

Pod people

I've fully drunk the Mac Kool-Aid. I have had an iPod shuffle for about a year, but because I didn't have a decent computer for ripping CDs, I didn't get much use out of it. Since getting the Mac, I've been on a ripping tear, and am looking forward to using the shuffle when I start biking again in May.

Two weeks ago, I took advantage of my wife's educational discount and got one of the schmancy iPod Video players. It's been amazing. Set on 'Shuffle' it is like having the most insane but tasteful DJ following me around. Just now there was a great sequence of Pretenders -> 30s jazz -> Public Enemy -> Webern -> Bluegrass -> Cuban salsa -> Liz Phair (which I had to fast-forward, as I am at work, listening on this, which I purchased in black to match my iPod, and my heart).

One feature I wish they'd add to the shuffle mode: On Tuesdays, it should always play two in a row by the same artist. That would rock.

The Dullard Gazette accepts advertising

But only when directed by Wes Anderson.

Free 3d design tool from Google

Very cool.

Happy NHA Day

It's National Hairball Awareness Day.

Congressmen gone wild!

• Rep. John Sweeney hangs out at a frat party at Union College in New York state. As seen here, it appears that he had a good time.
• Disgraced Rep. Randall "Duke" Cunningham's bribery story may have a prostitution angle, and the alleged hookups may have happened at the Watergate Hotel. In addition, Cunningham may have not been the only politician having services rendered.

WWHD?

If one of its students secured a $500,000 book deal and was subsequently exposed as a plagiarist, what would Harvard do? Tell them at this totally unscientific but fun poll! And here's what some Harvard kids have to say about the whole thing.

Monopoly board to be remapped

Hasbro is working on a major overhaul of the classic board game Monopoly: Atlantic City would no longer be the basis for the game. Instead, the "here and now" version would have properties voted on by the public. Needless to say, people in New Jersey are not happy, and they are starting an online petition.

DULLARD TAKE: Hasbro will offer the Atlantic City theme in the "classic" version, so this isn't a total abandonment of tradition. Still, for those of us who grew up learning the ways of slum lording by building cheap hotels on Baltic and Mediterranean, this does seem wrong.

DULLARD GAME TIPS: Buy the orange properties. They are in perfect position to zap opponents who are getting sprung from jail. Also, the railroads are a great way to drain cash from your rivals, and they don't bear the construction costs of other monopolies.

Our lives at 45 rpm

Sixth in a series on one Dullard's collection of 45s

Song: "Money For Nothing"
Artist: Dire Straits
Year released: 1985
Highest U.S. chart position: 1

DULLARD TAKE: How is that songs with similar content can be treated so differently? For example, why is it that Eric Clapton and Ice-T sing the same song, yet one is deified and the other vilified? Let's take a look:

• Eric Clapton (covering Bob Marley): "I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense. I shot the sheriff, and they say it is a capital offense."
• Body Count featuring Ice-T: "Cop killer, better you than me. Cop killer, fuck police brutality!"

These two songs are strikingly similar in theme. And they feature role playing as a key component: Both performers are singing in character, not as themselves. Careful listening makes that apparent. Yet they have met with wildly different receptions in America: Clapton's "I Shot the Sheriff" is a staple of classic rock; "Cop Killer" was removed from the Body Count disc amid tremendous outcry.

And so it is with "Money For Nothing." Mark Knopfler, who was in essence Dire Straits, takes on the role of a blue-collar Joe. The character is both appalled and a little bit jealous of "the little faggot with the earring and the makeup" he sees in MTV videos. Why? Because the video superstar gets "money for nothing and his chicks for free" while working stiffs do back-breaking labor for low wages.

Certainly by 1985, an MTV backlash was under way. Real "rockers" had had enough of the likes of Culture Club and Cyndi Lauper. Knopfler, a clever songwriter with a knack for satire and an eye on pop culture, exploited that anti-MTV feeling, and he did so with a bit of ironic populism. He said at the time that the offensive lyrics were inspired by a conversation he overheard at an appliance store. And to his credit, Knopfler made it obvious that he wasn't singing as himself:

We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these color TVs

Remarkably, "Money For Nothing" was the biggest hit in the history of Dire Straits, and there was no significant controversy about the anti-gay lyric. A guest vocal by Sting and a killer riff from Knopfler helped make the song a commercial success, but the big push came from the song's famous animated video. A rewrite of "Money" on the band's next album called "Heavy Fuel" didn't make the same impact, even though it is a punchier track that's free of homophobic terminology.

Meanwhile, in the long gap between Dire Straits albums, Guns N' Roses also went the role-playing route with "One In A Million," in which Axl Rose sings:

Immigrants and faggots
They make no sense to me
They come to our country
And think they'll do as they please

Coming just a few years after the chart-topping "Money," this song again illustrated the double standard. Axl was condemned as a hatemonger, and it probably didn't help that he tried to explain away the controversy by pointing to his admiration of gay artists such as Elton John and Freddie Mercury as evidence of his tolerant nature.

But is Mark Knopfler on a higher moral plane than Axl Rose? Could it be that our culture is OK with polite British guitarists singing outrageous statements, but is more threatened when unruly Americans do so?

FOOTNOTE: "Money For Nothing" is also the name of a Dire Straits compilation: a rare case of truth in advertising in the "greatest hits" genre.

A good Q&A with Matt Groening

The Onion A/V Club chats with Matt Groening about the selling out of Akbar and Jeff of "Life In Hell" fame, the future of "Futurama" on DVD and other stuff such as a program called "The Simpsons."

Snopp Dogg gone wild!

Rap artist Snoop Dogg (real name: Calvin Broadus) and several members of his 30-person entourage are nabbed at Heathrow. The charges are related to a fracas at the famed U.K. airport in which Snoop's people were allegedly irked about being denied entry to a first-class lounge in the terminal. The disturbance spilled over into a duty-free shop (where you can probably get a great deal on gin and juice), and all involved weren't allowed on to their scheduled flight to South Africa.

DULLARD STYLEBOOK UPDATE: We will continue to label such incidents as "gone wild" despite concerns about the description's overuse. It still works for us.

The smear factor

"Any media person who uses smear tactics in any way, not just on me, but any way will be featured on 'The Factor' and inducted into the billoreilly.com hall of shame." — Bill O'Reilly of TV's Fox News

Uh-oh. Does this mean we can't do this blog anymore?

Yay, us.

If you'll scroll down on the right-side nav, you'll see that we've just topped the 25,000 visitor mark. More importantly, if you look just below that, you'll see a little javascript countdown I installed last week, which shows (as I write this) that we're just about past the 1000 day mark in GB's remaining Residency.

How to speak Wisconsin

I've never been to Wisconsin, but if I ever visit the town of Oconomowoc or hang out with Madison's mayor (that would be Dave Cieslewicz) I will be sure to go to this site first. For the accent, you are on your own.

"Lost" stars take separate paths

Copping a plea in a drunken-driving case, Michelle Rodriquez of TV's "Lost" would rather go directly to jail for five days than do 240 hours of community service.

Her co-star, Evangeline Lilly, meanwhile, likes to spend time digging in the dirt in Rwanda.

DULLARD PROGRAMMING NOTE: This week's episode is a clip show.

How classy are you?

An interactive graphic at the NYT attempts to translate class into percentages.

Is Finland afraid to rock?

Rock 'n' roll outfit Lordi is causing a commotion in its native Finland, where some people don't like the idea of costumed metalheads representing them in an international song contest. A sample lyric may explain their discomfort:

Wings on my back
I got horns on my head
My fangs are sharp
And my eyes are red.

DULLARD TAKE: C'mon, these guys are a total ripoff of GWAR. Is this the best the Finns can do? And like GWAR, Lordi is probably much better as a concept than an actual band.

Pimp My Snack

Did people do this before the internets?

All Day I Dream About Shoes

I had no idea about the complex, intertwined histories of Puma and Adidas.

Massive Australia dwarfs massive Monica

Tropical cyclone Monica is causing chaos in Australia. This image shows the Category 5 storm along the country's northern edge. It also shows, unlike maps of the area, how freakin' big Australia is.

A parable

Some perspective on what we do here at the Gazette.

Has "gone wild" gone stale?

While on a recent business trip to Cleveland, I saw an advertisement on TV asserting that Chevy dealers in the area had "gone wild" and were offering remarkably good prices on cars and trucks. The pitch was accompanied by the lilting Caribbean music sometimes heard on ads for "Girls Gone Wild" videos (or some I am told). Thankfully, the Chevy ad never said "you won't believe what these dealers will do," but the connection was clear.

Now that the "gone wild" description has become so common as to be picked up by Ohio car dealers, does that mean it has lost its utility? It's certainly a popular phrase, and The Onion recently turned it on its head. Indeed, this blog has wryly described the following people as having gone wild:

• Antonin Scalia
• Tom Wopat
• Sean Young
• Yanni
• Robert Novak
• Katherine Harris
• Pint-size Kiss impersonators

So, dear readers, the editors of the Gazette ask: Is it time to retire the "gone wild" description, or is it still apt, say, when a Supreme Court justice uses a profane gesture?

At least one Kazakh gets it

Months after Kazakhstan's government lashed out at Sacha Baron Cohen over his Borat character, the daughter of the nation's leader says it's all in good fun. And yes, the Borat movie is in the works, with Larry Charles of "Seinfeld" and "Entourage" fame stepping out from writing and into directing.

If you thought Ticketmaster was a bloodsucking demonspawn before....

...then this should pretty much make your day.

Who asked for the...

...oddly disturbing modern art? Well, here it is.

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Music

Blender magazine brings the snark.

Note to our single, female readers: Don't marry Charlie Sheen

It's only one side of the story, I suppose, but...damn!

Mrs. Harris, are you trying to seduce me?

Wonkette shows us how Senate candidate Katherine Harris of Florida recount fame interacts with a college journalist, along with captions that imagine what this conversation might have been like.

'Lost' creator to direct Star Trek prequel

If that whole "five-year mission" thing turns out to be the dreams of a fat mental patient, I'll sue.

Yay!

Sarah Silverman is getting her own Comedy Central show this summer.

Expletive not deleted

A member of Congress ends a letter to a constituent with this: "I think you're an asshole." Apparently, it's all a big mistake, and apologies are being made.

DULLARD FLASHBACK: I had a similar embarrassment, but mine's from childhood. I was visiting a family down the street, a traditional Catholic household with five kids, a stay-at-home mom and a dad who was an officer at the local Navy base. A baseball game was on TV. One of the teams playing was the Oakland Athletics. "My dad calls them the Oakland A-Holes," I said. After a hush, I was told to go home.

Halliburton building immigrant detention centers

Gah!

Bennett's latest gamble

Conservative commentator/moralist/high roller Bill Bennett says Pulitzer winners should get jail time, not awards, for reporting on activities of government.

It's a girl!

Katie Holmes gives birth — probably very quietly. The status of the placenta is unknown at presstime, but we're sure the parents are happy as clams.

Ben Folds Laundry

Then lets his cabbie jam with the band on stage.

Dullard Blog being manipulated by terrorists

Either that or Rumsfeld is frickin' bat-shit crazy.

Tom Cruise rehabilitating image

Says maybe he won't eat the placenta.

So unsexy it hurts

The Boston Phoenix offers a list of the 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. Among the unlucky guys:

• film critic Roger Ebert
• terrorist-at-large Osama bin Laden
• "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken
• Ron Howard and brother Clint
  
• Rep. Dennis Kucinich
• Mike Mills of R.E.M. fame

For Jody

Penguins in sweaters.

U2's "One" wins VH1 lyric poll

Brits say this line from that song is the best ever:

One life, with each other sisters, brothers

The Smiths, the Who, Eminem, Pink Floyd and Coldplay are included in the top 20.

Discuss!

Our lives at 45 rpm

Fifth in a series of posts on one Dullard's collection of 45s

Song: "Wishing (If I Had A Photograph of You)"
Artist: A Flock of Seagulls
Year released: 1983
Highest U.S. chart position: 26

DULLARD TAKE: You can't talk about A Flock of Seagulls without mentioning the band's greatest claim to fame: the singer's hair. The wacky "flying wedge" style sported by Mike Score is a true fashion disaster for the '80s, even worse than shoulder pads and Members Only jackets. But hey, at least he took a chance.

The Seagulls' tunes were not as risky as their fashion statements. The British quartet produced mushy, pre-programmed music that seemed more calculated at cashing in on "New Wave" than committing to it.

"Wishing" is symptomatic of the band, a synth-drenched dirge for dead-end love. In the wide spectrum of droning music, this song lies somewhere between Pink Floyd's "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" and late-80s Cure.

On top of layers of drum machines, keyboards and distorted guitar, Score bleats on about unrequited love, concluding:

If I had a photograph of you,
It's something to remind me.
I wouldn't spend my life just wishing.

What, pray tell, would he have done with his time if he had that photograph? It seems reasonable to assume the singer would take some sort of action to relieve his malaise. But what? One can only recommend that "Wishing" be included on the era's list of odes to Onan. Some others:

• "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors
• "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood
• "She-Bop" by Cyndi Lauper

"Wishing" is also similar in theme to the band's bigger and better hit, "I Ran." Both songs exhibit a fatal combination of longing and fear in relationships. Perhaps the Gulls should have listened to Duran Duran and Adam Ant for cues in romantic bravado.

Memo to motorcyclists: Shut up!

Spring has sprung, and with it, another season of neighborhood-rattling group rides by pent-up motorcyclists expressing their "individuality." I'd go into a rant here about how irritating these aging Harley hounds are, how their need to blast their engines is probably a result of their diminishing libidos and how there ought to be a noise-pollution law to make them shut the hell up.

But I can't make that argument nearly as well as this column from The Onion does.

An excerpt:

The mere act of sitting astride a stationary motorcycle and manipulating the throttle for the express purpose of creating vast amounts of ear-splitting noise is the most impressive display of power known to man.

By the way, I am not alone in my desire for peace and quiet.

Null news is good news

My employer has a page on its site that allows people access to e-mail via the Web. The page includes some seemingly random headlines from the day's news. Earlier today, there was apparently no news whatsoever, as seen here.

The wrong Jon

A Utah school lures a big name to be a guest speaker: Jon Stewart. Unfortunately, the Stewart who agreed to the visit was a Chicago wrestler, not the host of TV's "The Daily Show" as intended. Fortunately, it all got straightened out before the event.

Dullard review: "Thank You for Smoking"

"Thank You for Smoking" is a topical movie that has been overtaken by events. The big battles of the tobacco wars were fought in the 1990s, so this soft-edged satire feels at least five years overdue. And that's unfortunate, because at times, "Thank You" is witty and winning.

The movie's morally challenged center is Nick Naylor, the head PR man for Big Tobacco. As played by Aaron Eckhart, Naylor is a master of turning the cigarette industry from defender to aggressor in any confrontation. He can seemingly get anyone to do anything, through shame, guilt or befuddlement. As Nick explains: "You know the guy who can get any girl he wants? I'm that guy, on crack."

The most intriguing sections of "Thank You" come in the scenes in Naylor's interactions with his son, Joey. This is role-modeling gone wild: A father teaching his child how to win an argument not by virtue of the facts or debating technique, but by turning the opponent's words against himself. Watching this pre-adolescent learn the ways of his mentor is both frightening and amusing.

"Thank You" comes to a dead halt, however, whenever Katie Holmes is on screen. Holmes plays an unethical reporter (no, that is not a redundancy) who is writing a profile on Nick. She begins her examination by sharing a bottle of wine with her subject and is soon sleeping with him. This could have been a funny take on how journalists and lobbyists are in bed together, but Holmes has no feel for the role and shares no chemistry with Eckhart. Between this and her weakest-link performance in "Batman Begins," it has become clear that she is not ready for the big screen.

The movie has better luck with others in the supporting cast. Robert Duvall, as a North Carolina tobacco magnate, and J.K. Simmons, as a brash boss along the lines of his J. Jonah Jameson character in the "Spider-Man" movies, both turn in solid performances.

As smart as this movie is, it also relies on stereotypes. The mint julep is not a frequently consumed beverage in North Carolina. (That's Kentucky.) And Vermonters may grumble about the representation of their senator (played by William H. Macy) as a Birkenstock-wearing do-gooder.

Based on a book of the same name and written and directed by 20-something Jason Reitman, "Thank You" may have worked better if updated for today's times. For example, Nick Naylor could be a perfect TV talk show host along the lines of Bill O'Reilly. Now that would be a satire for our age.

DULLARD RATING: So-so.

Clam conversion complete

Thomas Mapother IV (stage name: Tom Cruise) tells ABC's Diane Sawyer that alleged gal-pal Katie Holmes has switched from Catholicism to Scientology. It's the first public confirmation of what many knew (and rightly feared) for months.

ITMFA

Columnist Dan Savage of "Savage Love" fame has always mixed politics into his sex advice. (Just ask Rick Santorum.) But now Savage is getting more explicitly political at his new site, the name of which is NSFW.

Our lives at 45 rpm

Fourth in a series of posts on one Dullard's collection of 45s

Song: "Do It Again"
Artist: The Kinks
Year released: 1984
Highest U.S. chart position: 41

DULLARD TAKE: Despite the band's name, the track's title and the cover art for this single, "Do It Again" is not a sex song. It's another example of Kinks leader Ray Davies exploring issues of conformity, class and culture, the intertwined topics of much of his songbook.

Rung in with a chord that is reminiscent of "A Hard Day's Night," this song starts slowly, with a plaintive vocal from Davies. Then it kicks into a fairly ferocious rocker, with Davies brother (and occasional fight-club partner) Dave in fine form on guitar. The lyrics and music are fierce and angry, tempered with a dose of Ray's famous drollery:

The days go by and you wish you were a different guy,
Different friends and a new set of clothes.
You make alterations and affect a new pose,
A new house, a new car, a new job, a new nose.

"Do It Again," with its commentary on the mind-numbing repetition of life in Maggie Thatcher's England, was a precursor to "Return to Waterloo," Ray's short film that was accompanied by a "Kinky" soundtrack of the same name. Absent of the whimsy and nostalgia of the band's previous 1980s hits, "Do It Again" failed to crack Casey Kasem's American Top 40. Indeed, its failure proved to be a signal for the Kinks' artistic and commercial difficulties to come, and the band would never again score a hit Stateside. Yet "Do It Again" is arguably a better track than "Come Dancing" and continues to ring true more than 20 years on.

Pint-size Kiss impersonators gone wild!

Things get ugly between dwarves when pint-size tribute bands collide in Las Vegas. (Where else?)

How to skip work

Tired of the grind at the office? Tell your boss your kid died and take a couple of bereavement days. If asked for documentation to back up your claim, get an obit of the kid published in the local paper. It almost worked for these folks in Iowa.

Check your head

When in India, don't forget to tilt.

Sayid: I love L.A.

Naveen Andrews of TV's "Lost" says Los Angeles feels like home. Andrews (who unlike his character Sayid is not from Iraq, but actually Indian by way of the U.K.) describes L.A. as a haven of those seeking their roots. It probably doesn't hurt that his gal-pal, Barbara Hershey of "Beaches" fame, lives there too.

Seymour Hersh on US's Iran plans

Scary stuff.

Muscle-bound morticians

It's for a good cause (helping women who have breast cancer), but a calendar called "Men of Mortuaries: You'll Just Dig 'Em" is creepy. Key quote:

The hardest part was finding 12 attractive funeral directors. That just doesn't happen.

Answers to Dullard news quiz

Here are the answers to the Dullard news quiz, which asked you to match the headlines to the media outlets.

1. Cynthia McKinney caves, apologizes for Capitol scuffle
Answer: F, "Hannity and Colmes"

2. President Bush personally approved Iraq leak
Answer: E, The Huffington Post

3. Dealer says he sold drugs to Natalie Holloway in Aruba
Answer: A, "Live and Direct with Rita Cosby"

4. Liberal judge gives child rapist a slap on the wrist
Answer: G, "The O'Reilly Factor"

5. O’Falafel wildly misrepresents child-rape case
Answer: B, "Countdown"

6. Sources say CBS News staff secretly loathes Katie Couric
Answer: C, The Drudge Report

7. Illegals wave Mexican flags during L.A. protests — the nerve!
Answer: D, generic radio talk show host

8. Clooney spotted eating a hot dog on the Upper West Side
Answer: H, Gawker

FOLLOW-UP: Media Matters looks at Fox's coverage of McKinney vs. Bush.

Possible soundtrack for TV's "Lost"

With the main cast and creators on board for another season of "Lost," it's time to think about what Year 3 may bring on the island.

One of the more distinctive things about the show is the music: The main theme is more of a blend of metallic tones and swooshes than an actual song. Perhaps it's time to bring in more popular music to the island, something the show has already done to some degree. Just think about the merchandising possibilities!

MAIN CHARACTERS

"The Joker," Steve Miller (Sawyer's theme)
"Calling Doctor Love," Kiss (Jack's theme)
"Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor Doctor)," Robert Palmer (Kate's island theme)
"Take the Money and Run," Steve Miller (Kate's flashback theme)
"Walk of Life" Dire Straits (Locke's theme)

SECONDARY CHARACTERS

"Head Games," Foreigner (Hurley/Dave/Libby theme)
"Take A Chance on Me," Abba (Hurley's lottery theme)
"Heroin," the Velvet Underground (Charlie's theme)
"Torture," the Cure (Sayid's theme)
"Shoot to Thrill," AC/DC (Ana-Lucia's theme)
"Missionary Man," Eurythmics (Mr. Eko's theme)
"Cat's in the Cradle," Harry Chapin (Michael's theme)
"Mother Nature's Son," the Beatles (Walt's theme)
"Space Dog," Tori Amos (Vincent's theme)
"The Last Balloon," XTC (Henry Gale's theme)

OTHER THEMES

"Jet Airliner," Steve Miller (opening theme)
"Synchronicity I and II," the Police (reveal theme)
"Jungle Love," Steve Miller (love theme)
"Going to California," Led Zeppelin (Oceanic Airlines theme)
"815," The Who (Flight 815 theme; remixed version of "5:15")
"Computer Blue," Prince (hatch theme)
"Bungle in the Jungle," Jethro Tull (Dharma Initiative theme)

FOOTNOTE: This setlist includes four Steve Miller tracks. Hmmm. Frank loves "Lost." Frank loves Steve Miller. Coincidence?

Crossword commotion at NYT

Some puzzle masters are irked that "scumbag" was the answer to 43 Down in a New York Times crossword.

Dullard news quiz!

Match the headline with the media outlet. Answers in a later post!

1. Cynthia McKinney caves, apologizes for Capitol scuffle
2. President Bush personally approved Iraq leak
3. Dealer says he sold drugs to Natalie Holloway in Aruba
4. Liberal judge gives child rapist a slap on the wrist
5. O’Falafel wildly misrepresents child-rape case
6. Sources say CBS News staff secretly loathes Katie Couric
7. Illegals wave Mexican flags during L.A. protests — the nerve!
8. Clooney spotted eating a hot dog on the Upper West Side


a. “Live and Direct with Rita Cosby”
b. “Countdown”
c. The Drudge Report
d. Generic radio talk show host
e. The Huffington Post
f. “Hannity and Colmes”
g. “The O’Reilly Factor”
h. Gawker

Top 10 Greatest Impostors in History

I didn't make the list, despite my brief success impersonating an Internet Millionaire.

A day in the life — of Condi

Secretary of State Condi Rice finds out what the deal is with those 4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

Ergonomic Pirate Keyboard (ripped off from Michelle Collins.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dullard

By Franko. Recovered from deep in the Internets for your viewing pleasure.

I need my space bar

Apparently Newsweek magazine doesn't, and the failure to place little gaps between words throughout this article is leading to job offers and chatter on the Internets.

The Dullard news ticker

Hef to Alba: We're sorry ... Cruise: I was abused ... Apple opens doors to Windows ... Harris ushers in new staff in Fla. Senate race ... Is "London Calling" a terrorist call to action?

Pinkey the cat

Maybe Lucy isn't the worst. cat. ever.

To Become an American

Some insightful commentary from Fareed Zakaria on the immigration debate.

DeLay gone craven!

Tom DeLay of House corruption fame cuts and runs, emboldens enemies, blames media.

TV jackals

The idiots at the local ABC affiliate broke into "Jeopardy!" not once but twice Monday night with thunderstorm warnings. The second time was during final Jeopardy, which was totally pre-empted by the Generic Weather Woman and her precious Doppler radar.

Here's a transcript of my complaint call, which took several attempts to the station to get through. Perhaps I was not alone in my outrage.

TV Jackal: News Channel 11 newsroom.
Me: Yeah, I am calling to find out who won final Jeopardy.
TV Jackal: I don't know. We don't have time to watch game shows in the newsroom.
Me: Well, I would like to know because I watch "Jeopardy!" with my 5-year-old son, and we were disappointed tonight not to be able to see who won.
TV Jackal: Where do you live?
Me: Raleigh.
TV Jackal: There is some severe weather coming your way, so we need to let people know that.
Me: I understand, but couldn't it wait two minutes until the commercial? You never break into the commercials for these things.
TV Jackal: You make a good point, but it's our responsibility to provide information to the public.
Me: It could have easily waited until the commercial time.

Then I hung up in disgust. In the name of Alex Trebek, something needs to be done.

UPDATE: An hour and a half after the storm warning, a light rain fell on the city.

NYT revamps its site

The New York Times has given its Web site a facelift, and the changes are largely cosmetic. One new feature is the list of most-blogged stories, which I haven't seen on a major news site before.

The more you know

PSAs from your television friends at The Office

Midterm madness!

Winning an election requires organization and, to a lesser extent, endorsements from prominent people. Here's how two congressional candidates are doing with seven months to go before the midterm election:

FLORIDA: Senate candidate Katherine Harris of Bush-Gore recount fame is facing a staff meltdown. According to the Orlando Sentinel, just about her entire campaign leadership is departing. Will she soon be riding off into the sunset?

CALIFORNIA: House hopeful Howard Kaloogian of "Baghdad" photo fame has the usual assortment of GOP endorsements. Alan Keyes? Got him. Local radio talk show host? Check. But he also has the support of what could be described as a girl gone wild, according to Talking Points Memo.

April Google's Day

Google Romance debuts. Or does it?

On a similar note, Chuck Klosterman of "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" fame reviews the new Guns n' Roses disc. Or maybe not.