Charles Emerson Winchester is gay

David Ogden Stiers of TV's "M*A*S*H" comes out. We're happy for him, but we still want to know what he could have done to stop the preachiness of the last few seasons of the show.

Kelly McGillis has no interest in top guns

The actress says she's a lesbian.

Lisa Loeb weds

Dullard hearts are broken as the "Stay" singer gets hitched. The lucky guy is a music supervisor for Conan O'Brien's show.

Related post here.

Putting the "mod" in "moderate consumption"

To be someone must be a wonderful thing.

Moore disses the modern Bond

Roger Moore of 007 fame doesn't like the violence in the recent James Bond movies: "My Bond was a lover and a giggler."

DULLARD TAKE: This reminds us to add Moore to the list of people who have been old for as long as we've been alive. Thanks, Roger!

Famous people who have always been old

Let's face it: Some of us Dullards aren't getting any younger. Yet there are many famous people who have been old for as long as we've been alive.

Here are some of those people. To qualify for the list, each person has to be 1) alive 2) noteworthy 3) commonly perceived as "old" for the past 30-odd years.

• Bea Arthur, actress
  
• Ed Asner, actor
  
• Ernest Borgnine, actor
  
• Helen Gurley Brown, writer
• Robert Byrd, senator
• Dick Cavett, writer and TV personality
  
• Walter Cronkite, TV anchor
  
• Richard Dawson, game show host
  
• Phyllis Diller, comedian
  
• Hugh Downs, TV anchor
  
• Betty Ford, former First Lady
  
• Billy Graham, evangelist
• Jack Klugman, actor
  
• Jack LaLanne, fitness freak
  
• Christopher Lee, actor
  
• Karl Malden, actor
  
• George McGovern, politician
• Roger Moore, actor
  
• Harry Morgan, actor
  
• John McCain, politician
  
• Ed McMahon, TV sidekick
  
• Andy Rooney, commentator
  
• Mickey Rooney, actor
  
• Daniel Schorr, journalist
  
• Margaret Thatcher, former leader of Great Britain
  
• Helen Thomas, journalist
  
• Abe Vigoda, actor
  
• Barbara Walters, TV anchor
  
• Betty White, actress
  
• John Wooden, basketball coach
  
• Bill Wyman, bass player
  

Shaq loves Mac

A Facebook friend who lives in Orlando reports:

"The Shaq himself is shopping around in the Millenia Mall Apple store. He came out from behind the Genius Bar and is kinda hard to miss."

Can you dig it?

Salma Hayek is available again

The actress has broken up with the billionaire boyfriend who sired her child.

Sarah Silverman is available again

The foul-mouthed comedian has broken up with Jimmy Kimmel of "Man Show" fame. Who will dare to ask her out next?

LISTS: Weirdest search terms used to find this blog

Of the roughly 67 visitors this blog has each day, the majority arrive via Google searches, with Google Images leading the way.

We thank our faithful readers who come here for the written words and carefully selected links accompanied by the occasional illustration. We do it all for you. For the rest of you, thanks for visiting anyway.

With those pop-in visitors in mind, we offer (in "Countdown" style) the top 5 weirdest search terms that people used to get here recently:

5. Mayberry reality

4. Tentacled sea creature

3. Woman suckles pet monkey movie

2. Survivors nude

1. Nude elves

We hope you all found what you were looking for. (Related posts here and here.)

Wiki-dump and eBay revenge

What do you do when your kinda-boyfriend ends it through Wikipedia? Use eBay to sell the stuff he left in your apartment.

That is apparently what took place in the short-lived relationship between Wikipedia co-founder Jimbo Wales and Rachel Marsden, a Coulter-esque pundit who once had to be escorted from the Fox News studios for erratic behavior. Read it all here.

"Is this testing whether I'm a Replicant or a drunkard, Mr. Deckard?"

Sean Young to rehab.

Related post.

Pam Anderson available again

Good news for Borat and all you Dullards hoping to someday wed Pam Anderson: She just filed for divorce from hubbie #3.

Here's the clip of Borat falling in love with Pam and another one later in the movie in which he finally meets the love of his life. (Do we have to tell you that Borat is NSFW?)

Related post here.

UPDATE: Well, maybe not so fast. Pam may break Borat's heart yet again.

Evel Knievel is no longer with us

CNN reports that the motorcycle daredevil, described in this recent profile as "the first Jackass," is dead at age 69. So it goes.

UPDATE: This video serves as a fitting tribute to those of us who remember the Evel toy as much as the man himself.

Diamond Dave, master of the spoken word

Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys extended his career by going into the "spoken word" world, and Henry Rollins of Black Flag took the same route. And any number of rock lyricists have been touted as poets, though such claims are often dubious. (Read any Jim Morrison lately?)

Regardless of the merits of these artists, they all pale in comparision to the master of the spoken word, David Lee Roth. In their glory years, Van Halen often "broke it down," and Roth went from singing to talking. On the occasion of the Van Halen semi-reunion, we offer a retrospective, presented here in poetic form, of Diamond Dave as he spoke to listeners. Enjoy!

"Ain't Talking About Love"

I been to the edge
And there I stood and looked down
You know I lost a lot of friends there, baby
I got no time to mess around
So if you want it, I gotta cut you free, baby.

"Everybody Wants Some"

I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings.
I've always liked those kind of high heels too.
No no no no, don't take 'em off, don't take... Leave 'em on, leave 'em on.
Yeah, that's it
A little more to the right, a little more.

"Mean Streets"

See, a gun is real easy in this desperate part of town
Turns you from hunted into hunter
You go and hunt somebody down
But hear me now
Somebody said, "Fair warning, Lord!"
Lord, strike that poor boy down.

"And The Cradle Will Rock"

Have you seen Junior's grades?

"Unchained"

Take a look at this!
Hey, man, that suit is you!
You'll get some leg tonight for sure!
Tell us how you do!
(Come on, Dave, give me a break.)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!

"Hot for Teacher"

Hey, I heard you missed us. We're back!
I brought my pencil. Gimme something to write on...
Oh man, I think the clock is slow. I don't feel tardy.
Class dismissed!

"Panama"

Yeah, we're running a little bit hot tonight.
I can barely see the road from the heat coming off of it.
Ah, you reach down between my legs
Ease the seat back.

Previous Van Halen posts here and here.

UPDATE: This review says the reunion rocks.

Let it be

TMZ.com compares the bizarro appearance of Marcia Clark (of O.J. trial fame) and Phil Spector (of "Wall of Sound" fame and "allegedly killing a woman" infamy).

UPDATE: Spector may be off the hook; a judge has declared a mistrial. Maybe they can try again, this time investigating how Phil mucked up "Let It Be."

Helpless dancers

If you need help deciding how to vote in our poll, check these out:

• Napoleon Dynamite
• Britney Spears

Advantage: Musto

Just got back from three days of U.S. Open tennis in NYC. Here's our pic of our one brush with semi-celebrity: Michael Musto of Village Voice and "Countdown" fame. He was interviewing fans about tennis fashion in his characteristically snarky way.

That's the best we could do.

UPDATE: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld were there Wednesday night. We got to see them ... on TV.