Happy Saturnalia, Dullards!

Things are not going right.

Here are two seemingly unrelated examples:
Uno.
Dos.

Kraken on the rocks

Add vodka, garnish with twist, and serve.

Festivus Poles for Sale

Yes.

Nellie McKay leaves Sony in album dispute

Well, she got her wish. McKay battled with Sony execs about the length of her album. I hate to say it, but given the uneveness of her last record, I can imagine the suits at Sony had some valid points about trimming the fat on the record, but.... Whatever.

New York Police - Helping Protect Our Civil Liberties

In much the same way the Bush regime is -- by taking them away from us, for safekeeping. NYC police have attending rallies under cover, posing as protesters, since 2004.

Cheney finds skeptical U.S. forces

Am I the only one who sees the ironic symbolism here?

U.S. forces guarded Cheney with weapons at the ready while Iraqi soldiers, who had no weapons, held their arms out as if they were carrying imaginary guns.

'The Syrian border is back under Iraq control now,' U.S. Lt. Gen. Marty Dempsey told the vice president, pointing to a map of Iraqi troop locations. 'When people say, 'When will Iraq take control of its own security?' the answer truly is it already has.'"

David Sirota on the domestic spying scandal

Sirota raises a good point: why would the President even need to tap the phones of citizens without getting a warrant, unless no good reason could be shown for obtaining a warrant for those wiretaps.

LISTS: Favorite whole numbers between 1 and 10, inclusive

10. 10
9. 8
8. 6
7. 5
6. 7
5. 4
4. 9
3. 2
2. 1
1. 3

Wildflowers for Nicole and the resurrection of El Ron

The LAT takes us inside a $cientology stronghold in the California hills. It's where Tom Cruise (real name: Thomas Mapother IV) and "church" leader David Miscavige, seen here, have had meetings of the mind. It's where Cruise used to take former wife Nicole Kidman. And it's where a mansion on the hill has been built for the possible return of $cientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, who died in 1986.

Dullard holiday setlist

This site has a fairly comprehensive list of modern Christmas-oriented music, categorized by genre and era. Here's my top 5 list:

5. "2000 Miles," the Pretenders. More sentimental than you might expect from Chrissie Hynde, but never sappy.

4. "Little Drummer Boy," David Bowie/Bing Crosby. A spooky and cool duet.

3. "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)," John Lennon. If only this were the dominant spirit of the season.

2. "Do They Know It's Christmas," Band-Aid. Still the most influential charity record. The A-side is fine, but I actually prefer the spoken-word B-side. Many of the contributors ("This is Midge Ure from Ultravox") have faded into obscurity, but the sign-off from Bob Geldof still rings true, especially in the year of Live 8.

1. "Father Christmas," The Kinks. Leave it to Ray Davies to add issues of class and economics to the mix — perfectly iconoclastic.

The Rock Star's Burden

Paul Theroux gets his panties in a twist about Bono and aid to Africa.

Yet another use of Google maps

This one lets you see who your neighbors are supporting with campaign contributions. Just type in the ZIP code and wait a few seconds for the results.

Spies like U.S.

The NYT reports that the federal government has secretly been monitoring phone calls and e-mails of perhaps thousands of people since 2002 — without warrants.

A Stephen King Xmas

Not as scary as you'd think.

Bono and Jesse

Yes, that is U2 frontman Bono and former senator Jesse Helms. The two men — who at least agree that AIDS in Africa is a major problem — shared a few minutes backstage before a recent U2 show in Charlotte, N.C.

Ghhhk.

Nastay.

Are You There Santa? It's Me, Margret.

From the USPS directions on addressing letters to Santa, this seems about right: "Letters to God can be addressed in the same way replacing 'Santa Claus' with 'God'."

Lists: The 10 Most Puzzling Ancient Artifacts

Spiffy.

Showtime may get "Arrested"

Speculation has it that the movie channel may rescue "Arrested Development."

Speaking of Showtime, "Sleeper Cell," a 10-episode miniseries about terrorism in L.A., is worth watching there.

"War on Christmas" lampooned

Over at The Onion.

Borat squelched

Kazakhstan's government has shut down Borat's site, which it apparently can do because of the ".kz" domain name.

Save New Orleans

An editorial in the NYT suggests that it's do-or-die time for the post-Katrina rebuilding.

Resolution in Wiki-gate

The guy who posted the nasty, inaccurate stuff about noted editor John Seigenthaler Sr. has come clean. It was all just a joke that got out of hand. You know how it is.

Meanwhile, this column from the San Jose paper has some reasonable advice for Wikipedia users and contributors.

Richard Pryor is no longer with us

The famed comedian/free-baser is dead at age 65.

Portraits in courageous bartending

The NYT checks in on the world of alcohol and the holidays:

I give more buybacks. I give out more shots. That's my gift to you, I get you drunk.

"Koyaanisqatsi" reconsidered

"Koyaanisqatsi," Godfrey Reggio's meditation on the intersection of nature and civilization, is showing up on TV these days. Despite some dating (an ad for Betamax in NYC; the obvious differences in cars and hair styles), the movie — essentially an 80-minute music video scored by Philip Glass — holds up better than I thought it might.

As pointed out by critics such as Roger Ebert, the film's supposed "nature good, cities bad" message is undermined by the odd beauty of freeways, skycrapers and foundries. The comparision of Grand Central Station commuters on an escalator and Twinkies on the assembly line — both in fast motion — is a bit over the top.

But I'm not sure the theme is as simple as that. "Koyaanisqatsi" isn't attacking civilization, just asking that it work in concert with the rest of the world. Is that wrong?

DULLARD RATING: Still rocks.

FOOTNOTE: My on-screen cable guide indicated that the movie is rated TV-PG. I am trying to figure out why. Maybe it's the stock footage of atomic testing or various military equipment? (No actual blood is spilled.) Or perhaps the urban blight? It certainly isn't the dialog, because there is none.

Winnie the Pooh Goes Hollywood

On advice of Disney branding consultants, he is abandoning his 80-year friendship with Christopher Robin in favor of some redhaired young strumpet.

Whoah.

Check out the Bird's Eye View feature. It's like a photorealistic version of the Sims. You hate to say kudos to Microsoft, but this is impressive -- I can tell they took the photo of my house when I was home because my car is in the driveway.

Freaky deaky.

Gotta <3 Mike Wallace

At 87, still has testicular elephantitis:

Q. President George W. Bush has declined to be interviewed by you. What would you ask him if you had the chance?
A. What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? In your background, Mr. President, you apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military. . . . The governor of Texas doesn't have the kind of power that some governors have. . . . Why do you think they nominated you? . . . Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [expletive] up?"

Who Would Jesus Beat?

Professor beaten; attackers cite University of Kansas anti-creationism class.

Mmmmm, Cheese.

Eighteen year old model apparently not clear on what cocaine looks like. Also not entirely clear on what a model looks like.

Sasquatch on the march!

Join the Bigfoot militia today!

October 9, 1940-December 8, 1980

Yes, we're at the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death, and various ruminations, many well done and others perfunctory, are floating around. Many remember Lennon's post-Beatle career mostly for "Imagine." Nothing against that song, but I prefer "God" from the Plastic Ono Band album as the quintessential Lennon. When he sings "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me," Lennon blends the philosophical and the personal in a way that the utopian "Imagine" doesn't. "God" also has one of the most committed vocal performances captured on vinyl.

Here are the lyrics:

God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I'll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain

I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
I don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in Gita
I don't believe in Yoga
I don't believe in kings
I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality

The dream is over
What can I say?
The dream is over
Yesterday
I was the Dreamweaver
But now I'm reborn
I was the Walrus
But now I'm John
And so dear friends
You'll just have to carry on
The dream is over

Klosterman goes jock

Chuck Klosterman of "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" fame is writing for ESPN.com on occasion. This column on Phil Jackson and the Lakers has a few good lines but finds Chuck a bit out of his element. He still writes about music, too.

Pulitzers broaden online categories

Journalism's highest honors will consider more online material. Will the Gazette finally gets its due?

Department of Redundancy and Obviousness Department

• Diebold insider says company incompetent, corrupt.


• Tom cruise gay, litigious.


• Movie theaters to get even more annoying.


• Jennifer Anniston selfish, with really nice boobies.

Ho ho ho!

A local porn shop in my town has put up Christmas lights. And a newspaper advertisement for a strip club wishes its possible patrons a "Merry Christmas."

Good to see the sex industry joining the fray in the so-called War on Christmas.

Happy Holidays, Dullards!

What we need more of is science.

Somebody please try this and report back.

Passage through India

The NYT has a fascinating (and lengthy) article on India's efforts to build and improve what we Americans would call interstate highways. Like our own roads, India's paths are making it easier to get from place to place, although at a price, both culturally and financially.

Having taken a 20-hour bus ride from the Hubli area to Mumbai, I will vouch for the need for better roads. But I did see a lot on that trip on two-lane roads that I might not have seen on a four-lane, controlled-access highway.

Be sure to check out the cool multimedia with the Times piece. (Registration may be required.)

The $10 million bat mitvah

A girl comes of age as the likes of Tom Petty, Joe Walsh and Aerosmith rock the house at New York's Rainbow Room. Even Kenny G was there, if the tabloid press is to be believed.

Update on the so-called "War on Christmas"

In case you missed it, the Christmas crusaders fell on their own swords this week when it was disclosed that Fox News has been selling "holiday" ornaments for "holiday" trees on its site. They've since changed the references to "Christmas," but you can still see how it looked.

Happy Holidays!

Update by Frank: Keith Olbermann did a funny bit about this -- you can watch the video here.

Nervous Nellie

Defamer posts a review of a Nellie McKay gig that's pretty consistent with the one reviewed here in March.

Still, I look forward to her next record. If there's one thing I've learned from being in bands, you can't really hold psychosis against a singer. It's part of the job description.

One Red Paper Clip -> House

Kyle MacDonald is a man with a dream. And a paper clip. Except he doesn't have the paper clip anymore. Less than five months ago he started a series of trade-ups from the paper clip, with his ultimate goal being a trade for a house.

He is currently at snowmobile.

Kyle MacDonald is the sort of reason I once fell in love with the internets.

"Lost" and maybe drunk

Two stars of TV's "Lost" — including Michelle Rodriguez, who plays trigger-happy Ana Lucia — have been booked on DUI charges.

That's not the bad news. This is: No new episode until January. Bastards.

Oh, the Horror!

The Cure, Avril Lavigne, and Black Eyed Peas to cover Lennon songs in Amnesty International fundraiser.

I'm confused. Aren't they supposed to oppose human rights abuses like this?

Shut up and sell yer guitar

Forget about spending all your money on Jerry Garcia's toilets. Dweezil Zappa is selling a guitar that Jimi Hendix gave his dad. The good son (and former flame of songstress Lisa Loeb) is asking the sum of one million dollars — or best offer.

Wiki-mess

John Seigenthaler Sr., noted journalist, takes issue with Wikipedia. Apparently, the bio there that was up for several months erroneously tagged him as possible conspirator in the assassinations of John and Bobby Kennedy. D'oh!

UPDATE: The Wiki-people will no longer take anonymous contributions. As for the Seigenthlater entry, Wiki founder Jimmy Wales says: "It slipped through the cracks is basically what happened."

Tom Cruise under fire (again)

Docs don't like the idea that Thomas Mapother IV bought a personal sonogram machine to monitor the development of his child with actress Katie Holmes.

Here's the FDA's take: "Persons who promote, sell or lease ultrasound equipment for making 'keepsake' fetal videos should know that FDA views this as an unapproved use of a medical device. In addition, those who subject individuals to ultrasound exposure using a diagnostic ultrasound device (a prescription device) without a physician's order may be in violation of state or local laws or regulations regarding use of a prescription medical device."

Jack White sires child

The White Stripes frontman and model-wife Karen Elson expect their first child in the spring. Meg can be the babysitter.

Buy Jerry Garcia's toilet!

That and other household fixtures of the dead Dead guitarist are going up for auction. See 'em all before you bid.

Pullout

Great summary of Kaplan's piece over on Eschaton. (I'd link to the original, but Slate seems to be down at the mo'.) It raised a frightening though for me though -- what plan do we have in place if Iran decides an American withdrawl is the perfect time for a land-grab? The border between Iraq and Iran has long been disputed, the Iraqi forces will be utterly incapable of responding, and the Preznit has spent all his political capital for mideast wars. There will never be a better time for Iran to try to expand its borders, reopening a 2-3 decades old dispute, and possibly enticing other neighboring nations to do the same.

I hope I'm wrong, but I think we have laid a pooh of unimaginable proportions -- not directly in our own bed, but we may see some fall-out from all of this down the line. Possibly literally.

Readers flummoxed by runaway headlines

Funny.

Rock hall announces new inductees

Blondie, the Sex Pistols, Miles Davis and Black Sabbath are among the new members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Fiefdom of Dullardy established

We have a virtual nation on the Internets. I am still trying to figure out what, if any, value this game has.

Canadians warned of UFO war

UFOs are as real as the airplanes that fly over your head. ... I'm so concerned about what the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war, that I just think I had to say something.

— Paul Hellyer, Canada’s Defence Minister from 1963-67, in a recent speech

Pat Morita is no longer with us

The "Happy Days" and "Karate Kid" actor is dead at age 73.

Tom Cruise buys sonogram machine

Or so he tells Barbara Walters. Or maybe it's an e-meter.

Save Katie Holmes!

Get your Christmas war on

I have heard murmurings about a supposed "war on Christmas" for some time. It seemed like much ado about nothing, just the usual posturing by the usual suspects.

Today in my local paper, a full-page ad from a church group urged everyone in our area to boycott stores that wish shoppers "Happy Holidays." Instead, we are being told to take our dollars to businesses that say "Merry Christmas." This is needed, the ad says, to win the war on Christmas.

I've had enough of this bullying and exclusion in the name of religion. If it's war they want, then it's war they shall have. I urge all Dullards out there to only spend money at stores (and donate to charities) that say "Happy Holidays."

As someone once said, "Bring 'em on." Happy Holidays!

Triumph

Triumph interviews Republicans. Wouldn't play on my craptastic home computer, but with a name like Triumph, it has to be good.

Blue America

Sweet baby Jesus, will ya look at that.

Reminder

Come see my band, you lazy bastards.

Oh My.

I, too would like to "apologize to Jennifer Garner and her pool boy Ben Affleck for involving them in my fantasies."

TiVo -> iPod

Yes.

Link Wray is no longer with us

The cult guitar hero is dead at age 76.

"I'm beyond atheism"

Penn Jillette tells NPR what he believes.

Throwing a Curveball

Interesting LAT article on the Iraqi intel informant known as Curveball.

Andy's "fun girl" no longer with us

Character actress Jean Carson, known to Mayberry fans as the "fun girl" in a handful of "Andy Griffith Show" episodes, is dead at 82. The more you think about it, the more you realize that the show had a lot of sexual tension. And I am not even talking about Aunt Bee.

Save Our Bluths

I, for one, would subscribe to Showtime if they picked up AD.

Gig: Ghost Town @ Molly Malone's on Tuesday, Nov 22

Ghost Town will be playing some new tunes, as well as all your old-time favorites at one of LA's oldest and bestest Irish pubs, Molly Malone's. Ghost Town goes on at 9:30, but if you get there by 8:30, you can catch me backing up a terrific songstress named Melanie Monroe, as part of her fabulous string section.

Ghost Town is really jelling around the vocals of Ms. Laura Derby, and the new tunes are a bit poppier than some of the older material. Please come out, and stick around afterward and let me know what you think! Cover: Only 6 bucks

Star Maps

Google-stylee.

A lot of the addresses are actually just mail drops, unless there are a few dozen celebs crammed into the same suite on Wilshire Blvd. And I'm fairly sure the address given for Ella Fitzgerald is off by at least 6 feet, vertically. But this will certainly give any stalkers-in-training a hand-up in their career.

Vlade Divac: draft dodger?

That's what Serbia-Montenegro says of the former Laker.

In other NBA weirdness, Spurs star (and Eva Longoria boyfriend) Tony Parker is working on a rap album, possibly in his native French.

UPDATE: Vlade has been exonerated. Whew.

I don't get it

Matthew McConaughey has been named Sexiest Man Alive by the increasingly irrelevant People magazine. Hey, I like "Dazed and Confused!" as much as the next guy, but I don't get him. Ladies, tell me why I am wrong.

Just Go

I used to really like Lisa Loeb. "Stay" is a perfectly-crafted little jem of a pop single, and girls who wear glasses always get passes from me. But now I must shun her, despite her "genuinely engaging and relatable lifestyle."

On the upside, I guess, she's no longer dating someone named "Dweezil."

Win a date with Lisa Loeb!

The "Stay" songstress will hit reality TV in search of a man, thus destroying any cred she had left with the alternative crowd.

She's still cute, though.

Snoop Dogg is a Wiener

Literally.

Maybe you'll want to wash that down with some refreshing salmon soda.

They Killed Xenu!

Those bastards!

They don't like Borat...

... in Kazakhstan.

For Ross

And Jody.

Emperor's New Clothes

Krugman updates.

"Arrested Development" gets ax

It's over after this season, although maybe it could thrive on cable. SpongeBob, meanwhile, will roll on into 2007.

Why the Fuss?

Why the fuss, indeed.

I don't mean to be a Gloomy Gus, but man, this is a dark time to be an American. Election fraud, use of chemical weapons, torture, secret prisons, a government that keeps finding new ways to shift the tax burden away from the ruling class, while eliminating services for the poor....

I only hope that someday, as a nation, we look back on this time with a great deal of shame.

Charlie Brown's Pathetic Xmas Tree

You can now, for the low, low price of $24, purchase a plastic replica of Charlie Brown's Pathetic Xmas Tree from Urban Outfitter's.

Wrong on so many levels.

Eff John Kerry

Still a flip-flopper.

Internationally Banned Chemical Weapons Found in Iraq

Of course, we're the ones using them.

Baby Review

The Infant Assessment Journal

John Lennon goes digital

Yoko is making her late husband's entire solo catalog available for download — but not on iTunes because of ongoing legal squabbles with Apple. John is the first Beatle to go digital.

Judy Judy Judy

NYT scribe Judith Miller, hated by left and right alike, is quitting. Her decision comes despite the urgings of Scooter Libby in his oddly worded letter. His missive sprang Judy from jail last month and caused a stir on the Internets.

UPDATE: She explains her decision here.

Andy Griffith lauded

The former Mayberry sheriff is honored with a Medal of Freedom.

Cruise makes moves

Tom Cruise (real name: Thomas Mapother IV) has canned his sister as his spokesperson. I guess his PR hasn't been that good since she took on the task last year.

Sis will still handle his charitable efforts — are contributions to $cientology tax-deductible?

Holler at Your Boy.

On the sidebar I've added a link to Google's Frappr, a service which lets you quickly and easily add your location to a global map, so that I can see at a glance who all twelve of you are. Take 30 seconds to add yourselves, won't you?

In the name of the father

Pete Rose Jr. is accused of helping minor leaguers dope up. The son of the scandal-scarred slugger was playing ball in Tennessee at the time, according to the feds.

It's another reason to deny Rose Sr. a spot in the Hall of Fame, although other Dullards are sure to disagree.

Genesis reunion? No thanks

Phil Collins is interested even if no one else is: "I'm happy to sit behind the drums and let Peter (Gabriel) be the singer."

What We Need More Of

Goats on trampolines.

What We Need More Of

John McCain.

Shortlinks

• Congress mulls ending birthright citizenship. Interesting, and clearly designed to stop the (re-)browning of America.


• Presidential Q&A -- though as usual, the only A ever given by Bush, regardless of the Q is "terrism."


• What I really want to do is direct.


• "Who could look at a cute little baby and call it 'Frank?'"

Borat Pimping

For MTV Europe Music Awards.

You Broke it, You Put it Back on the Shelf and Try to Get the Hell Out Before Anybody Notices

I was one of those folks who took a strong position against the war, but felt that if we went, we'd better stay until we'd stabilized the country -- Powell's misnomered "Pottery Barn" policy. But I'm not so sure anymore whether we're doing more harm than good by staying there, and whether an artificially constructed country like Iraq even CAN stay together without a homicidal strongman like Hussein in power.

Which is why I can't get too worked up about protesting the war. Even prominent Republicans are acknowledging it was a bad idea, poorly executed. But what do we do now? The solutions to the mess we've made aren't going to fit on a 3' x 4' cardboard sign. And they're not going to be found by the current group of nincompoops on Penn Ave.

I think all we can do is try to restore some balance to Congress in '06, and hope that President Clinton-44 can bring some intelligence and competence back to the White House.

Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool!

Mr. T. is still keeping it real.

Ali G Pimping

For the NBA

That's no moon

It's a space station — and a deadly one at that. How Stuff Works gives us the inside-out on the Death Star, including the Empire's claim that its destruction resulted in tremendous civilian casualties. Dang Rebel scum!

Gay or not gay?

Prius drivers.

MPAA vs. Gramps

The big studios come down hard on the grandparent of a kid over the downloading of four movies via the Internets.

“God, they’re an odd bunch, these Republicans.”

Speechless. Nothing to add to this. Some historian's going to make a reputation on this sort of thing some day.

Conservatives: Get Cancer and Die, Blasphemers

The religious right comes down on the side of cervical cancer, trying to kill deployment of a vaccine that will save 3700 women's lives per year. All because they don't want to seem to be condoning pre-marital sex.

Way to be pro-life, you two-faced microcephalics.

Woody Allen: Not So Self-Aware

Says relationship with Soon-Yi has a "more paternal feeling" then previous relationships.

Happy Halloween, Dullards!

D'oh!

Gary Trudeau must have mixed feelings about Meirs' withdrawl.

Timing is Just Too Perfect

Bush is looking for a nominee. Scooter is looking for a job. I don't think anyone doubts Scooter's conservative cred.

Repeat after me, Justice Scooter.

Maybe He'll Bring Nate Back From the Dead?

Six Feet Under's Alan Ball is helming a vampire series for HBO. I'll bet even my devlopmentally-challenged bride will watch it.

I <3 the Onion

Because this is what happens when you try to f%&k with them.

Gay or not gay?

Sulu.

'Desperate' grumblings in MSM

As first noted in the Dullard Gazette, "Desperate Housewives" has not been up to snuff so far this season.

Now mainstream media outlets, such as Entertainment Weekly in this review, are beginning to see our point of view. Even Marcia "Bree" Cross says the show could be better.

Lenny Kravitz Sued for Spewing Crap

About time.

Don't Put Pumpkins in the Garbage Disposal

Not a staggeringly important posting today, but worth noting. Once you become a homeowner, you start having to keep track of what can and can't go down the disposal.

The City in Jello

I am in awe of this.

Anne Rice Finds Jebus

At least this should stop the downward spiral of the Lestat books.

Monty Python sketch come to life

A dead parrot in the U.K. may have had the bird flu. Or maybe it's just sleeping...

Win Larry David's Prius!

Enter the sweepstakes on the Internets.

iMac backstory

A coupla-three weeks ago, I promised a review of our new computer. Instead, I submit this column from my techno-columnist spouse. Enjoy!

Underworld: Evolution

Yesssss! As I keep trying to explain to my lovely, but evidently retarded bride, it's VAMPIRES VS. WEREWOLVES! I predict this will be the best movie since, well, Underworld. You just can't miss. This ain't even just Dracula vs. the Wolfman, this is hordes of vampires and packs of lycan's going at it, fang to claw!

ARGBGHRHBGHRGBGH!

Sweet baby Jesus, January 20th can't get here soon enough.

Spuddy Gray's final words

The last, unfinished works of Spalding Gray are being released, both in a book and in excerpts on the NPR site.

This Halloween, Don't Kid Yourself

Nobody thinks that a clown packs.

And don't go wearing any of these costumes, either.

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

Hundreds of people reportedly used the numbers from Lost to play the most recent Iowa lottery.

Are you people not watching the show? Even if you win the lottery, those numbers will ruin your life! I've probably doomed this blog just by typing them into the headline!

The New Yorker Profiles Sarah Silverman

Who doesn't love Sarah Silverman?

$cientology's lawyers are on the march

They're trying to stop a satirical site that mocks Thomas Mapother IV.

Is there anything lower than a $cientology lawyer? How do they sleep at night knowing that they are doing the bidding of El Ron?

Pentagon to Nat'l Guard: $15K Tax-free to Re-enlist for 6 Years

Heh-heh. We lied.

It's unclear from the story whether those who re-enlisted under the delusion that they would actually get the money the Pentagon promised can now de-enlist. But it's a good warning sign that the administration, thanks to its tax-cuts for the rich, is starting to realize they are underfunding the government. But are they looking to reinstate taxes on the rich? No, they're looking to screw the lower and middle classes, by pulling stunts like this, and considering revoking the tax deduction for interest paid on home mortgages.

Yeah, great. They can increase my tax burden by something like 30% or touch the richest 3% of the country for an extra 5% of their wealth.* Sounds like a good plan.

Worst. President. Evaaaaar.

*Numbers pulled entirely out of my butt.

Ghost Town Mark IV

This Thursday at 9:15, The 4th or so version of Ghost Town launches with the debut of our new singer. Laura Derby, formerly of electronica act Cirrus, brings her jazzy inflections to the alt.country songwriting of Frank San Filippo. Combined with the impressionistic voicings and jam-band soloing of Ken Lasaine on guitar, Kevin Smith on electric piano & organ, and Adam Steinberg on skins, this latest incarnation is a rocking, eclectic melange. Come on out for a good time, as we play an hour-plus long set at this new bi-monthly series at Tempest.

Cover is $8, but drop me an an email, and I'll send you a dollar-off flyer.

That Sounds Like Pretty Much the Only Way David Copperfield COULD Get a Gal Pregnant

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Gotta Move to Canada

At least one of their political candidates admits to being a "big piece of poop."

Condi to take on Hillary in 2008 Presidential Race

In other news, the Guardian will apparently print any kind of random monkey dung Dick Morris pulls out of his butt.

On the cover of the Rolling Stone

This 1980 image of John and Yoko led to the best cover of the last 40 years, according to editors.

Another 'SNL' casualty

Charles Rocket, from the forgotten cast of the early 1980s, has committed suicide. The survival rate for that show really isn't too good, is it?

'Shining!' is the feel-good hit of the season

Some guy has put together a "trailer" for Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" that recasts the horror flick into a new, positive light. There's even some Peter Gabriel music to lighten the mood.

Heck, it might even be better than "Elizabethtown!"

I'm an mp3 Man, Too!

Uh, Jody? We might want to go with a DDD cup. I have a LOT of CDs to digitize.

Hey, Scott....

I'm just saying.

Beignets are back!

Well, soon. Cafe du Monde will reopen next week, allowing the people of New Orleans and tourists to once again feast on fried dough and powdered sugar.

Holmes-Mapother update

The diligent news-gatherers from E! give us the latest on Katie Holmes and Thomas "Cruise" Mapother IV. Among the chatter: rumors of an angry dad, in-vitro procedures and weird Scientology birth practices. I believe it all.

Movie-game convergence

The movie version of "Doom!" opens next week, which feels about 10 years too late. It stars The Rock. How did this not go straight to video?

Meanwhile, "The Warriors!" is now a videogame. The screen shot here would seem to indicate that it will be rated M for mature. Who woulda thunk?

A New World Record

Why do we look up to people who surpass all previous human achievements in their fields of endeavor? I think it has something to do with reminding us of our own potential to rise above the the mundane, these fields of clay, these merely moderately-sized nipple hairs.

Beedogs.com

"The premier online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes."

Noooooo!

'Rocky 6' begins shooting in December. Hollywood continues to confuse "exploiting 30-something's nostaliga for the pleasure of their youth" with "shitting all over my childhood."

Feh.

Section 2257 May Apply to Non-Pornagraphic Films

Note to right-wing nutjobs: you can have a smaller government, or you can create a lot of pointless, ineffectual laws that make it look like you're protecting the children, but you can't do both.

So Funny It Makes Me Angry

Need a New Job?

Sign o' the Times

R.E.M. plays wedding reception

Retired drummer Bill Berry joins his old mates for a seven-song set at bowling alley in Athens, Ga. "Rockville" and even "Radio Free Europe" make the setlist.

Louis Nye dead

Old-time comedian Louis Nye has died at age 92. You whipper-snappers may know him best from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" in which he played Jeff's dad and called Larry "rotten" on several occasions.

'Wallace and Gromit' disaster

Even as their movie goes #1 stateside, Wallace and Gromit are hit with tragedy as a fire hits a British warehouse containing sets and other items. Items from the claymation duo's new movie were not involved, however.

Dullard rating for "Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit!": Rocked! (Or "cracking," as Wallace might say.)

Someone's Got a Birthday Coming Up....

For the girl who has everything.

'Two Tigers' lives!

A site that lists where to play old arcade games says there are at least two places in the United States that still have "Two Tigers" -- one in Huntington Beach.

For those who never played it, "Two Tigers" is a two-player cooperative game in which you and a friend fly planes to kill nasty ships. (You could also play solo, but that wasn't as fun.)

Conversion complete

Our iMac G5 arrived today. So far, so good: Effortless setup and installation. Everything works. The built-in speakers rock pretty good for a computer, and as I write this, a Violent Femmes song is coming through perfectly via the Internets.

I will post a full review later, but I do have one quibble early on: The shipping from Apple was a bit sluggish, and each item (printer, Office software, the actual machine) arrived separately, sometimes days apart. Our iPod (a freebie they threw in during a special promotion) won't get here until next week, even though the order was placed two weeks ago.

Google Blogfeed Reader

Interesting interface, but....not so much for me, not yet.

Farrah Fawcet to Show Her Bust....

Of Rodney Dangerfield.

Dear Judy

Here's something not from the TV: The letter from White House official Scooter Libby to NYT scribe Judith Miller is raising eyebrows. The missive resulted in Miller being sprung from jail in the Plame probe. Here's the section that arouses those who see conspiracy in such things:

Your reporting, and you, are missed. Out West, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them. Come back to work -- and life.

In a Game of Cow vs. Dog....

Cow wins.

Fiona snApple Interview

For Fiona fans like Jody. In other music news, I haven't gotten the new Kate Bush or Amy Mann yet -- anybody have a review?

And Jill Sobule is playing Largo tonight, but I'll probably be too lazy to try to go see her after tonight's Ghost Town rehearsal. Fortunately, she's also appearing at something called the Songwriter's Studio on Tuesday.

I did catch Liz Phair on the Tonight Show this week, and her new single is just awful. She is, as Whitney Houston would say, ovah. (Though she still looks MILFtastic.)

Lost and Arrested

Another mind-blower on last night's Lost. I enjoyed last season, but man, it was just setting the table for this season. Likey.

And finally got around to watching this week's Arrested Development, which was pretty damn good, as well. I'll miss that show. I hope they let them do the full season this year, and bring the series to some kind of closure. It's been odd seeing my former coworker Dave Thomas with a phony British accent, but good to see him working. If you're interested in some theorizing about just how clever those bastards are, scroll over the spoiler text in Tom the Dog's posting.

This week's Curb was upgraded to a B+, and Extras slacked off a bit for an A-, for those of you keeping score at home. Oh, and the American version of The Office has been quite good this year, as well.

Survivor's been pretty solid, too, though it looks like there may be changes afoot next season.

Damn, I watch a lot of TV!

'Entourage!' humor

This tale of the tape between Vince and Drama is funny, but I don't get all the jokes. Maybe some of our SoCal readers will.

Gay or not gay?

Harry Potter.

Beatles for sale!

Well, you can at least buy their wax heads at auction, where they are expected to get bids of 80,000 quid. Meanwhile, Yoko will be live at Budokan this week in honor of her late husband, who would have turned 65(!) this weekend. Will she perform "Oh Yoko"?

Well, We Didn't Mean He LITERALLY Rose From the Dead

Catholic Church no longer swears by truth of the Bible.

Huh.

I wonder who the father is.

In a Game of Gator vs. Python....

Nobody wins.

Sarah Polley Recalls Trauma of Making Terry Gilliam's Munchausen

Big baby. What about my trauma for having to sit through 12 Monkeys?

Roger Waters on R.E.M.

The Pink Floyd maestro, plugging his new opera "Ca Ira," tells CNN that he loves "Everybody Hurts."

Bacharach Records Protest Album

Enlists Dre & Costello.

Huh.

Nick Cage sires Superman

The "Adaptation!" actor and fourth wife Alice welcome newborn son Kal-el Coppola Cage to the world. The first name comes from the Superman comics, apparently inspired by the "Face!/Off!" star's interest in such lore.

'Housewives' hitting sophomore slump?

As strong as "Lost!" is in its second season, "Desperate Housewives!" is looking pretty anemic so far. The storylines held over from last season are plodding along at, well, at the pace of a soap opera. And the new "who's chained in the basement" plot feels, well, a little too hatch-like (as in the mystery portal on the "Lost" island).

Maybe they oughta bring Rex back from the dead and let Carlos out of jail. It's more fun with the hubbies around.

Obama '08!

I don't know how good a politician he may be, but man, it'd be nice to have someone in charge who can do the speechifyin' without making educated folk cringe.

The Guardian Profiles Jon Stewart

Eh.

No Corruption Left Behind

Bush administration involved in covert propaganda operation about something as silly as education. We all hope this is the only wrong-doing the well-liked and well-respected administration has been involved with.

Karl Malone, American Hero

Eh, so he threw a few elbows in his day. He may have been worse on the court, but off-court better than most of the current league combined.

Myers to Play Keith Moon

This can't turn out well.

Chewie throws first pitch...

... and the Red Sox lose to Toronto. Are they trying to re-curse themselves?

Judy Miller liberated!

Judy Miller, the NYT reporter reviled by conservatives and liberals alike, is out on the street after serving more than two months in jail for not divulging her sources. The famed scribe will now testify in a grand-jury probe of the leak of a CIA employee's name in 2003.

Bernadette Seacrest

Bernadette Seacrest is an awesome singer based in Albuquerque. Her band is touring right now, which brought them about 500 yards from my house on Tuesday. If she comes your way, you should definitely check her out -- she has a nice Billy Holiday-esque portamento going on, and her backing band, anchored by David Parlato on upright, rocks.

Top 10 Science Pics

Spiffy.

The meth-driven life?

Remember the Georgia woman who helped apprehend the guy who shot up the Atlanta courthouse and how she said she used "The Purpose-Driven Life" to help him see the error of his ways? It turns out she also gave him some meth.

Kraken caught on film!

Japanese scientists catch a giant squid on film, marking the first time that the dreaded sea beast has been photographed in the wild. They report that the kraken is a "much more active predator than previously suspected, using its elongated feeding tentacles to strike and tangle prey."

Extra, Extra

Watched 3 premieres last night:

Housewives: So, I guess the Mary Alice mystery is pretty much over and we're moving on to the Alfre Woodard mystery. Does that mean those annoying voice-overs will stop? B-.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Eh. Better than most shows, and Larry's scenes with his father are always high-larious. Coulda been better, though. B.

Extras: Nice suprise, we caught this on a whim. As Jody remarked, it has all the cringe-inducing humor that Curb was lacking. Kate Winslett makes a hilarious foul-mouthed nun. A.

Oh, and Arrested Development was pretty strong last week as well. B+/A-.

Not Quite Sharks With Fickin' Laser Beams

But close -- dolphin assassins armed with poison darts let loose by Katrina.

Would you believe...

Don Adams of "Get Smart!" fame is dead. He was 82.

Kate Bush single debuts Tuesday

"King of the Mountain" is available for download this week and goes on sale in October, and the U.K. is excited. You can hear a snippet now at her official site. The British songstress releases a 2-CD set, "Aerial," in November -- her first new release in 12 years.

Apple conversion

We're buying a new computer, ditching the Dell running Windows 98 for an iMac similar to the one seen here. It's the first time I will have an Apple on my desktop since the IIc back in the early '80s.

This funeral paid for by FEMA

The Fort Lauderdale paper has discovered that FEMA money was doled out for funerals last year for people who died under circumstances that had no connection to the rash of hurricanes in Florida.

LOST

I don't know about you, but last night's season premier blew my little freakin' mind.

That rocked.

Next up, Texas

Three major hurricanes hit Florida last season, causing tens of billions in damage and killing several. This year has the most storms (so far) since the 1930's. One has already hit New Orleans causing hundreds of billions in damage and killing hundreds. Now we have a class 4 hurricane aimed at Texas.

There are a couple of possible explanations for this.

If you are from a blue state, your explanation is that our dependence on fossil fuels and our refusal to take responsibility for a huge increase in greenhouse gasses has led to a warming of the earth and consequently a warming of the oceans, feeding storms and building them into a force which has come back to bite us in the ass.

If you are from a red state, your explanation is that God hates red states.

Achewood, Damn You!!

I've linked to it a number of times, but the current arc in Achewood is so strange and pregnant that I insist you go read it now.

They Hate Us for Our Freedom

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror."

One Side Can be Wrong

Richard Dawkins and Jerry Coyne neatly and thoroughly sum up why there's no reason to "teach both sides" of the evolution debate in science class. As they say, why not just teach "stork theory" in Sex Ed?

Wait, let's not give the Fundies any ideas....

British Troops, Disguised as Arabs, Firing on Iraqi Civilians

Here's a potentially huge story that you probably won't hear much more about:

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A British armored vehicle escorted by a tank crashed into a detention center Monday in Basra and rescued two undercover troops held by police, an Iraqi Interior Ministry official told CNN....The Iraqi official, who spoke to CNN on condition of anonymity, said their arrests stemmed from an incident earlier in the day.
The official said two unknown gunmen in full Arabic dress began firing on civilians in central Basra, wounding several, including a traffic police officer. There were no fatalities, the official said.
The two gunmen fled the scene but were captured and taken in for questioning, admitting they were British marines carrying out a 'special security task,' the official said."

"Special security task." Indeed.

NAMM Oddities

Nice collection of odd guitars and other musical instruments and acessories from this year's NAMM show.

Fountains of Wayne Hotline

Great parody.

Frank's next job

Dullard review: "Broken Flowers!"

The year was 1984. Cyndi Lauper ruled the charts, and Ronald Reagan was president.

Bill Murray was a Ghostbuster, and seemingly on a long career path as a wise-cracking Hollywood funnyman. Jim Jarmusch was no one, just getting going with the art-house film "Stranger than Paradise!" Murray got lost in the late 1980s, an aimlessness that bottomed out with the wretched "Scrooged!" Jarmusch meandered from the brilliant ("Mystery Train!") to the so-so ("Down by Law!").

Move ahead to 2005: Jarmusch has stepped a couple of degrees closer toward the mainstream, and Murray has reinvented himself altogether. "Broken Flowers!" represents the first full-fledged intersection of their sometimes erratic but always interesting careers. (Sorry, "Coffee and Cigarettes!" doesn't really count.)

"Flowers" allows Murray to once again showcase his ability at portraying a man of infinite regret. In that way, this performance, coming relatively soon after "Lost in Translation," feels self-referential.

Yet Murray is still able to say so much in scenes when he says nothing at all. One that is especially evocative: his character, on a quest to find an old love who may have borne him a son, stumbles out of a hotel room onto a balcony, a styrofoam cup of coffee in hand, to overlook a noisy and generic American landscape.

Jarmusch is up to some of his old tricks here, such as the slow fades between scenes. As with "Paradise," this movie plays with the idea that the static can be deeply moving.

DULLARD RATING: Rocked!

Art metal?

Today's alt-headbangers argue that the genre isn't as dumb as you think. Despite this NYT article and various essays by Chuck Klosterman, I am still not buying it. Sorry.

There's a Couple of Sentences You Haven't Read Before

When you did it everyone usually gave you that amazed look, like wooh, what'd you do with that egg. Everyone knows what eggs are but they don't think about balancing them."

Well, That Decides It

I've now chosen sides in the coming class war in this country:

Thanks to the introduction of the Hummer Laptop.

Somebody please kill all these sad, pleated-kakhi motherf#@$%&*s before I get ahold of them and do a whole lot worse.

Oh TiVo, TiVo, TiVo-oh-oh, Tivo

Sing it, Mr Gabriel!

September, 2005
Alviso, CA - weather fine
It was business as usual
In cubicle 619
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
PVR! PVR! Killed by DRM.

When you try to sleep at night
Do you only dream of green?
The outside world will not sit back
While you control what's on their screens.
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
PVR! PVR! Killed by DRM.

You can blow out a candle,
But please don't delete X-Files,
If you do, we'll have to convert
To a suitable open-source technology, preferably based on linux, which turns a standard Intel-based system into a digital video recording device of some sort.
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
Oh Tivo, TiVo, because Tivo
PVR! PVR! Killed by DRM.

And the geeks on the Web,
Are blogging now.
Blogging now.
repeat ad libitum

Celebrity baby update

Time to lighten the mood with news from the bizarro world of stupid famous people:

-- Famed backup dancer Kevin Federline is a proud papa. Federline, seen here in a file photo with his wife, a former Mousketeer named Britney Spears, is father to a still unnamed baby boy. He has kids from a previous relationship.

-- Supermodel Heidi Klum and singer Seal welcome a son, named Henry Guenther Ademola Dashtu Samuel. Klum has a toddler from a previous relationship.

Best wishes to all of these lovely families and kudos on their ability to reproduce!

It's the End of the World as We Know It

And I don't feel so good.....

Take a Hint

Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished. "Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: "Take a hint."

--Bill Maher

First Person Katrina Experiences...

Some ugly accounts of the aftermath and relief efforts by a college kid and some Socialists.

If you know of any more please post in comments...

Find-A-Human

How to get out of voice-tree hell and speak to a human. Awesome resource!

Pentagon Extending Bush Doctrine to Nuclear Realm

Of course, you don't want to be the second country to deploy nukes, but.... Call me crazy, but I don't trust these yahoos to decide when it's appropriate to use pre-emptive nukes. Because they tend to, you know, lie about other countries' WMD capabilities and stuff.

Only 1224 more days of Bush in office.

Relax.

They're just baked goods.

The Grand List of Sci-Fi Cliches

Mind-numbingly comprehensive.

Back to basics in N.O.

Big Daddy's, a famed Bourbon Street strip joint/tourist trap, is ready to reopen, so you can once again "wash the girl of your choice."

Ray Davies on New Orleans

The apparently former lead singer of the Kinks (when did that become official?):

I owe as much to music of the Southern states as I do to the British music that inspired me. If New Orleans is allowed to die, a crucial part of the world�s musical heritage will disappear. "

James Wolcott: From Blame Game to Numbers Game

Interesting essay. I certainly hope the number of deaths in NOLA is closer to 3000 than 10,000. And I do think this is the bookend to Bush's presidency. Even with many on the right, by mismanaging this crisis, on top of lying about and then bungling Iraq, he's spent all the political capital given to him after 9/11.

Y'know, some days, the 22nd Amendment doesn't seem like such a hot idea.

Computer-Generated Ringtones

Spiffy.

FEMA contractors busted for looting

Three truckers are accused of pillaging a Family Dollar store, snatching Barbie dolls and answering machines, among other non-essential items. Sheesh.

Ahnold's Leadership

What a craven POS.

Bush's Leadership

I think Kanye West got it half-right: George Bush doesn't care about *poor* people. He is obviously very attached to Ms. Rice, as he actually promoted her for her failures prior to 9/11. So I'll give him a pass on the racism thing.

But clearly, by looking to cut foodstamps and various other aid programs to fund the elimination of the estate tax, along with the impending lending-industry friendly changes to bankruptcy law, Bush has been leading a war against the poor since he stepped into the Oval Office. His failure to act in a timely fashion in New Orleans is just a symptom of his contempt for the poor in this country.

And sadly, he's not alone: The largely unaffected upperclass of New Orleans aren't too thrilled with the idea of all those po' folks being repatriated to their city.

Though I don't know who they think is going to fetch the ice for their highballs in the future.

iWant

New iTunes cell phone. Sweet.

FEMA Wants No Photos of Dead - Los Angeles Times

Gee, wonder why? Could it be related to why we don't see pictures of dead soldiers?

I'm beginning to long for the days when I was merely embarrassed by my government.

EDIT: Not suprisingly, Josh Marshall sums up this issue better than I could.

Photojournalists Covering Katrina Fall Victim To Growing Violence, Chaos

Welcome to the third world. When journalists are as endangered by the police as they are by the lawless, you no longer have a strong Democracy.

Open Letter to W

From Michael Moore.

Related: Sell the ranch, Mr. President.

Gilligan is dead

Bob Denver succumbs at age 70. Only the professor, the movie star and Mary Ann are still with us.

Desperate times call for "Desperate Housewives"

ABC's murderously amusing "Desperate Housewives!" returns Sept. 25. With that and the season debut of "Curb," we've got a good night of TV watchin' to do.

N.O. chaos

It's disquieting to click on the headline "Gunmen target medical convoy" and have a story about social disorder in New Orleans come up rather than news out of Baghdad.

So far, the new-fangled FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security have failed to get a handle on the situation. They can't even find Fats Domino.

Those Durned Activist Universities

What's with the arbitrary requirement that applicants' science courses be grounded in reality in order to count toward admission?

The noive!

Hurricane help

We've all heard about the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina. As many as 80 people are dead, and tens of thousands more affected. Overall damage may exceed $25 billion. The New Orleans paper's site recounts this in vivid detail.

This is a real disaster, and you can help. Consider a donation to the Red Cross or similar organization.

FCC to Regulate Basic Cable?

Thank God we have the party of "smaller governemnt" in power....

John Roberts, copy editor

The NYT has a curious article about how Supreme Court nominee John Roberts likes to correct other people's writing.

Larry's return

The DVD set of season 4 of HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm!" drops Tuesday. This batch is not as strong as others, mostly because it takes a joke worth one episode (Larry David cast as the star of "The Producers!") and goes with it for duration of the season. But there's still enough there to make it worthwhile.

Let's hope Larry gets back on track when Season 5 starts Sept. 25. Mark your calendars, Dullards!

"You're basically looking 4,000 feet down"

A tribe plans a glass-bottomed overlook that will jut out 70 feet from the edge of the Grand Canyon.

How Do We Know We're Going the Way of The Roman Empire?

Well, there's yer Abu Ghraib and Gitmo, yer Reality TV. Then there's the fact that someone had to coing the term bumvertising.

Awwww.

My brother Scott takes a baby polar bear for a swim.

Good Grief

I want to know who did the search for "Cindy Sheehan nude" over on msn, and why on earth they ended up on the Dullard blog.

Sermon on the Stump

What Would Jesus Say to the Republicans?

My Outsourced Life

The current issue of Esquire has a great feature by a writer who outsources all of his personal chores -- paying bills, ordering from Amazon, reading to his child, arguing with his wife -- to firms in India. You need an actual tree-based subscription to the magazine to read it online, but it's definitely worth picking up on the stands.

Bursting Your Bubble

Bill Maher on a scarily relevant topic -- the impending bursting of the housing market bubble. Jody and I bought just as the bubble was starting to swell out of controll, so I don't think our house will fall back much under what we paid for it. However, we're looking to refinance -- though not to pull any money out of the house, just to consolidate our second mortgage and bring our monthly nut down a bit, as well as lock in a low interest rate. The icky thing is that if we get the house re-appraised at this point, our property tax will probably go up by 5-10K a year!

Bah.

Name that panda!

The National Zoo in D.C. has put the name of a panda cub up to a vote on the Internets. Here are the options:

Hua Sheng (hwah-SHUNG), means China Washington, magnificent
Sheng Hua (SHUNG-hwah), means Washington China, magnificent
Tai Shan (tie-SHON), means peaceful mountain
Long Shan (lohng-SHON), means dragon mountain
Qiang Qiang (chee-ONG chee-ONG), means strong, powerful

So What's REALLY on a Platinum Record Award?

This tickled me.

"Yes, Mr. Bomber. How may we help you?"

An U.S. Army vet who happens to be a Palestinian gets a credit card offer from JP Morgan Chase addressed to "Palestinian Bomber." When he calls in to complain, customer service responds by calling him "Mr. Bomber." D'oh!

Everybody Dies

HBO has the obituaries for the main characters of SFU. Funnily enough, they give a street address for the mortuary, which is in the historic West Adams area of LA, just as Jody had pointed out while we were watching the show and saw where Claire got on the 10 Fwy at the end.

OK, now I'm going to StFU about SFU.

Google Talk

Google launches an IM and VOIP client. I don't do either of those, but this could be an interesting development. I wonder what new things Google will bring to the table in this sphere?

Fuggit

Just bring the troops home. You lay a turd this big in the punch bowl, you don't stick around and try to save face.

Narm!

Bill Sherman bids a fond farewell to the Fishers.

Ridiculous News Items

Not sure which should be the top spot:

• Borat landing an inflatable sea turtle in Malibu to crash the wedding of Pam Anderson's dogs


• Doctor being investigated for telling patient she is overweight


• This dude

Why Is It

I have to go to Canada.com to se a news photo like this?

Yeah, yeah, rhetorical questions are cheap, but still....

I Could Be the One

I had a dream that I was making out with Tina Fey. She had recently moved from her job at SNL to the news department at E! I'm not sure which was the lower point for her. Even though it was my dream, I could tell the whole thing was pretty distasteful for her.

How sad is it when even in your own dream, Tina Fey thinks kissing you is gross?

'GoodFella' in meth mess

Henry Hill of "GoodFellas!" fame pleads no contest to a drug charge after suspicious materials were found on him at a Nebraska airport. Sad.

The movie still rocks, though. I'd nominate it for the Dullard Movie Hall of Fame.

Who Would Jesus Assasinate?

The President of Venezuela, according to alleged Christian Pat Robertson.

Moog silenced

Synth master Robert Moog, dead at 71.

Steve Carell is ... "The 40-Year-Old Virgin!"

"The 40-Year-Old Virgin!" is the reverse image of "Wedding Crashers!" -- a raunchy comedy whose profane exterior contains a good-natured (if deceptive) romance.

Steve Carell of TV's "The Daily Show" is up to the task of playing the titular role. (If the adjective "titular" makes you snicker, you will love this movie.) His buddies are the usual Hollywood mix: the street-wise guy, the sensitive guy, the stoner guy. Plus, there's the obligatory nutty/slutty boss and a few foul-mouthed foreigners. Catherine Keener of "Being John Malkovich!" fame plays the virgin's love interest, adding a touch of class to the production.

The movie plays out as one might expect: the establishment of the virgin as a total nerd but nice guy; his outing as a sexual novice; the friends' efforts to hook him up through bars and speed dating; the virgin's tortured path between easy and unpleasant sex and a meaningful first experience. There are plenty of laughs along the way, such as when our hero attempts to don a condom.

At the screening I saw, a fellow movie-goer decided that this was going to be an interactive experience. He responded to nearly every over-the-top joke by blurting out "Oh my Lord!" At one point he announced, "I am learning so much from this movie." And he sang along with the various cheeseball songs on the soundtrack, including Asia's "Heat of the Moment." His comments provided a sort of laugh track. After the lights came up, it was apparent that this film fan was about 16 years old, and that his mother was accompanying him. D'oh!

DULLARD RATING
"Virgin" on its own: So-so.
"Virgin" with live commentary track from a teenager: Rocked!

File Under "Irony"

Immigrant-basher (allegedly literally -- accused of pistol-whipping) gets sent to prison and loses his ranch -- to the very immigrants he assaulted.

Live Nude Elves!!!

NYC artist and elf enthusaist Rev. Jen Miller strips for science.

The Swift Boating of Cindy Sheehan

Good column from Frank Rich.

Gonzo journalist is out with a bang

Hunter S. Thompson's ashes were blasted into the sky in a fireworks display (not exactly a cannon, as previously reported here) in a ceremony in Colorado on Saturday. Sean Penn, Bill Murray and Johnny Depp represented.

Face.....Off!

Gghckk.

Feed the World Candy Corn

Beck and Elvira join a bunch of indie folks for a lame charity song called Do They Know It's Halloween.

Let's Pretend I'm an Idiot

Not a big stretch on even my best days, I know. But I have entirely no clue what our objective is in Iraq anymore, and wish someone would explain it to me. Forget the rhetoric of "Noble Causes," how do we know when we've "won"?

Now that the Iraq war is about "terrorism" instead of WMDs, mushroom clouds, liberating the Iraqi people, whatever the last thing they test-marketed is, do we "win" by whacking the final terrorist mole? 'Cause they're making more, y'know.

Do we "win" when Iraq has a stable government again? It looks at this point like an Islamic Republic is the best we can hope for -- does that count? Once there's a sovereign government in place, do we then withdraw all of our troops?

No, not even if they say "please?"

So, does winning equal having troops in Iraq indefinitely? That sounds like losing to me.

But then, I'm just a dullard.

Sign of the Apocolypse?

Pat Buchanan, voice of reason.

'Housewife' injured on set

Eva Longoria is sent to the hospital after being hit in the head by a pole during filming for the ABC show "Desperate Housewives." Further details were unavailable at blogtime.

The actress, who is gal-pal to Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs, has been released, and the show is proceeding on schedule. We'll say a prayer for her full recovery.

There are some who call me Im

I want to be like P...uhhh, something like that.

Laptop riot in Virginia!

A Richmond-area school system sells off its old iBooks for $50 a pop, and chaos ensues. One woman actually pissed on herself in anticipation, and another lost her flip-flop.

John Cleese Memorabillia for Sale

Namely, bits of his stomach.

Gigspam: Ghost Town @ Plush Lounge

Friday night will be your last chance to catch Ghost Town this summer, and last chance to see the current line-up, as we go on a short gigging hiatus to make a few changes. If you haven't seen the band yet, you should definitely make the show on Friday, as the current lineup kicks bootay. And you have no excuse not to come, as it's a FREE show at the very trendy Plush Lounge inside the even-trendier Key Club.

We start promptly at nine, and are sharing the bill with Borne, Tomorrow's Cry, and Innocent Noise. Please come see what a great band this is, and make sure you tell the doorman that you're there to see Ghost Town!

Plush Lounge @ the Key Club
9039 Sunset Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA

Surprisingly, I wasn't offended

She's going to have to work a lot harder and be a lot less PC to offend me. Maybe if she had complained about midgets stopping in themepark crowds or a black kid who she couldn't figure out if it were a boy or girl...or for that matter, any way to differentiate them from any other black kid in the world.

Walken 2008 - Official Website

Oh yes.

Well, at least he has his priorities straight.

Bush, on why he won't meet with a grieving mother: "I think it's important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say. But I think it's also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life."

"Lennon!" panned

The musical focusing on John Lennon's post-Beatle life is officially on Broadway, and the word is not good. Yoko and son Sean loved it silly, though.

The Kim catalog

This site keeps track of North Korea's fiery rhetoric, including my favorite epithet, "human scum." A random insult generator is included.

Preying Manitsseses

They look all sage and Yoda-like 'n' shiat, but if this praying mantiss carries a wallet, you know it says "BAD MOTHERF*CKER" on it.

Attack of the "Clonus"

The creators of the horrible 1979 sci-flick "Parts: The Clonus Horror" are suing DreamWorks over "The Island," alleging theft of intellectual property.

"Clonus" is most famous for being the basis of one of the better episodes of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." "The Island" is most famous for being one of the biggest duds of the summer.

Advantage: "Clonus."

CBGB wins one

In a legal victory for anyone who didn't pay their rent, an activist judge touts the club's impact on its NYC neighbhorhood.

The overall outlook for the club remains unclear, however.