Those Durned Activist Universities

What's with the arbitrary requirement that applicants' science courses be grounded in reality in order to count toward admission?

The noive!

Hurricane help

We've all heard about the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina. As many as 80 people are dead, and tens of thousands more affected. Overall damage may exceed $25 billion. The New Orleans paper's site recounts this in vivid detail.

This is a real disaster, and you can help. Consider a donation to the Red Cross or similar organization.

FCC to Regulate Basic Cable?

Thank God we have the party of "smaller governemnt" in power....

John Roberts, copy editor

The NYT has a curious article about how Supreme Court nominee John Roberts likes to correct other people's writing.

Larry's return

The DVD set of season 4 of HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm!" drops Tuesday. This batch is not as strong as others, mostly because it takes a joke worth one episode (Larry David cast as the star of "The Producers!") and goes with it for duration of the season. But there's still enough there to make it worthwhile.

Let's hope Larry gets back on track when Season 5 starts Sept. 25. Mark your calendars, Dullards!

"You're basically looking 4,000 feet down"

A tribe plans a glass-bottomed overlook that will jut out 70 feet from the edge of the Grand Canyon.

How Do We Know We're Going the Way of The Roman Empire?

Well, there's yer Abu Ghraib and Gitmo, yer Reality TV. Then there's the fact that someone had to coing the term bumvertising.

Awwww.

My brother Scott takes a baby polar bear for a swim.

Good Grief

I want to know who did the search for "Cindy Sheehan nude" over on msn, and why on earth they ended up on the Dullard blog.

Sermon on the Stump

What Would Jesus Say to the Republicans?

My Outsourced Life

The current issue of Esquire has a great feature by a writer who outsources all of his personal chores -- paying bills, ordering from Amazon, reading to his child, arguing with his wife -- to firms in India. You need an actual tree-based subscription to the magazine to read it online, but it's definitely worth picking up on the stands.

Bursting Your Bubble

Bill Maher on a scarily relevant topic -- the impending bursting of the housing market bubble. Jody and I bought just as the bubble was starting to swell out of controll, so I don't think our house will fall back much under what we paid for it. However, we're looking to refinance -- though not to pull any money out of the house, just to consolidate our second mortgage and bring our monthly nut down a bit, as well as lock in a low interest rate. The icky thing is that if we get the house re-appraised at this point, our property tax will probably go up by 5-10K a year!

Bah.

Name that panda!

The National Zoo in D.C. has put the name of a panda cub up to a vote on the Internets. Here are the options:

Hua Sheng (hwah-SHUNG), means China Washington, magnificent
Sheng Hua (SHUNG-hwah), means Washington China, magnificent
Tai Shan (tie-SHON), means peaceful mountain
Long Shan (lohng-SHON), means dragon mountain
Qiang Qiang (chee-ONG chee-ONG), means strong, powerful

So What's REALLY on a Platinum Record Award?

This tickled me.

"Yes, Mr. Bomber. How may we help you?"

An U.S. Army vet who happens to be a Palestinian gets a credit card offer from JP Morgan Chase addressed to "Palestinian Bomber." When he calls in to complain, customer service responds by calling him "Mr. Bomber." D'oh!

Everybody Dies

HBO has the obituaries for the main characters of SFU. Funnily enough, they give a street address for the mortuary, which is in the historic West Adams area of LA, just as Jody had pointed out while we were watching the show and saw where Claire got on the 10 Fwy at the end.

OK, now I'm going to StFU about SFU.

Google Talk

Google launches an IM and VOIP client. I don't do either of those, but this could be an interesting development. I wonder what new things Google will bring to the table in this sphere?

Fuggit

Just bring the troops home. You lay a turd this big in the punch bowl, you don't stick around and try to save face.

Narm!

Bill Sherman bids a fond farewell to the Fishers.

Ridiculous News Items

Not sure which should be the top spot:

• Borat landing an inflatable sea turtle in Malibu to crash the wedding of Pam Anderson's dogs


• Doctor being investigated for telling patient she is overweight


• This dude

Why Is It

I have to go to Canada.com to se a news photo like this?

Yeah, yeah, rhetorical questions are cheap, but still....

I Could Be the One

I had a dream that I was making out with Tina Fey. She had recently moved from her job at SNL to the news department at E! I'm not sure which was the lower point for her. Even though it was my dream, I could tell the whole thing was pretty distasteful for her.

How sad is it when even in your own dream, Tina Fey thinks kissing you is gross?

'GoodFella' in meth mess

Henry Hill of "GoodFellas!" fame pleads no contest to a drug charge after suspicious materials were found on him at a Nebraska airport. Sad.

The movie still rocks, though. I'd nominate it for the Dullard Movie Hall of Fame.

Who Would Jesus Assasinate?

The President of Venezuela, according to alleged Christian Pat Robertson.

Moog silenced

Synth master Robert Moog, dead at 71.

Steve Carell is ... "The 40-Year-Old Virgin!"

"The 40-Year-Old Virgin!" is the reverse image of "Wedding Crashers!" -- a raunchy comedy whose profane exterior contains a good-natured (if deceptive) romance.

Steve Carell of TV's "The Daily Show" is up to the task of playing the titular role. (If the adjective "titular" makes you snicker, you will love this movie.) His buddies are the usual Hollywood mix: the street-wise guy, the sensitive guy, the stoner guy. Plus, there's the obligatory nutty/slutty boss and a few foul-mouthed foreigners. Catherine Keener of "Being John Malkovich!" fame plays the virgin's love interest, adding a touch of class to the production.

The movie plays out as one might expect: the establishment of the virgin as a total nerd but nice guy; his outing as a sexual novice; the friends' efforts to hook him up through bars and speed dating; the virgin's tortured path between easy and unpleasant sex and a meaningful first experience. There are plenty of laughs along the way, such as when our hero attempts to don a condom.

At the screening I saw, a fellow movie-goer decided that this was going to be an interactive experience. He responded to nearly every over-the-top joke by blurting out "Oh my Lord!" At one point he announced, "I am learning so much from this movie." And he sang along with the various cheeseball songs on the soundtrack, including Asia's "Heat of the Moment." His comments provided a sort of laugh track. After the lights came up, it was apparent that this film fan was about 16 years old, and that his mother was accompanying him. D'oh!

DULLARD RATING
"Virgin" on its own: So-so.
"Virgin" with live commentary track from a teenager: Rocked!

File Under "Irony"

Immigrant-basher (allegedly literally -- accused of pistol-whipping) gets sent to prison and loses his ranch -- to the very immigrants he assaulted.

Live Nude Elves!!!

NYC artist and elf enthusaist Rev. Jen Miller strips for science.

The Swift Boating of Cindy Sheehan

Good column from Frank Rich.

Gonzo journalist is out with a bang

Hunter S. Thompson's ashes were blasted into the sky in a fireworks display (not exactly a cannon, as previously reported here) in a ceremony in Colorado on Saturday. Sean Penn, Bill Murray and Johnny Depp represented.

Face.....Off!

Gghckk.

Feed the World Candy Corn

Beck and Elvira join a bunch of indie folks for a lame charity song called Do They Know It's Halloween.

Let's Pretend I'm an Idiot

Not a big stretch on even my best days, I know. But I have entirely no clue what our objective is in Iraq anymore, and wish someone would explain it to me. Forget the rhetoric of "Noble Causes," how do we know when we've "won"?

Now that the Iraq war is about "terrorism" instead of WMDs, mushroom clouds, liberating the Iraqi people, whatever the last thing they test-marketed is, do we "win" by whacking the final terrorist mole? 'Cause they're making more, y'know.

Do we "win" when Iraq has a stable government again? It looks at this point like an Islamic Republic is the best we can hope for -- does that count? Once there's a sovereign government in place, do we then withdraw all of our troops?

No, not even if they say "please?"

So, does winning equal having troops in Iraq indefinitely? That sounds like losing to me.

But then, I'm just a dullard.

Sign of the Apocolypse?

Pat Buchanan, voice of reason.

'Housewife' injured on set

Eva Longoria is sent to the hospital after being hit in the head by a pole during filming for the ABC show "Desperate Housewives." Further details were unavailable at blogtime.

The actress, who is gal-pal to Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs, has been released, and the show is proceeding on schedule. We'll say a prayer for her full recovery.

There are some who call me Im

I want to be like P...uhhh, something like that.

Laptop riot in Virginia!

A Richmond-area school system sells off its old iBooks for $50 a pop, and chaos ensues. One woman actually pissed on herself in anticipation, and another lost her flip-flop.

John Cleese Memorabillia for Sale

Namely, bits of his stomach.

Gigspam: Ghost Town @ Plush Lounge

Friday night will be your last chance to catch Ghost Town this summer, and last chance to see the current line-up, as we go on a short gigging hiatus to make a few changes. If you haven't seen the band yet, you should definitely make the show on Friday, as the current lineup kicks bootay. And you have no excuse not to come, as it's a FREE show at the very trendy Plush Lounge inside the even-trendier Key Club.

We start promptly at nine, and are sharing the bill with Borne, Tomorrow's Cry, and Innocent Noise. Please come see what a great band this is, and make sure you tell the doorman that you're there to see Ghost Town!

Plush Lounge @ the Key Club
9039 Sunset Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA

Surprisingly, I wasn't offended

She's going to have to work a lot harder and be a lot less PC to offend me. Maybe if she had complained about midgets stopping in themepark crowds or a black kid who she couldn't figure out if it were a boy or girl...or for that matter, any way to differentiate them from any other black kid in the world.

Walken 2008 - Official Website

Oh yes.

Well, at least he has his priorities straight.

Bush, on why he won't meet with a grieving mother: "I think it's important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say. But I think it's also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life."

"Lennon!" panned

The musical focusing on John Lennon's post-Beatle life is officially on Broadway, and the word is not good. Yoko and son Sean loved it silly, though.

The Kim catalog

This site keeps track of North Korea's fiery rhetoric, including my favorite epithet, "human scum." A random insult generator is included.

Preying Manitsseses

They look all sage and Yoda-like 'n' shiat, but if this praying mantiss carries a wallet, you know it says "BAD MOTHERF*CKER" on it.

Attack of the "Clonus"

The creators of the horrible 1979 sci-flick "Parts: The Clonus Horror" are suing DreamWorks over "The Island," alleging theft of intellectual property.

"Clonus" is most famous for being the basis of one of the better episodes of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." "The Island" is most famous for being one of the biggest duds of the summer.

Advantage: "Clonus."

CBGB wins one

In a legal victory for anyone who didn't pay their rent, an activist judge touts the club's impact on its NYC neighbhorhood.

The overall outlook for the club remains unclear, however.

This week on "Tim McNerney, Activist Judge"

Defendant bought case of beer for 17-year old.
Judge: "Yes, but does Miller Light really count as beer?"

Sean Hannity Is a Democracy Subverting Douche Bag

It does have a certian melodious lilt to it.

Experiencing technical difficulties

"Through a technical difficulty, I may have offended some people." -- Arizona Diamondbacks announcer Mark Grace, after unleashing a string of expletives when he thought he was off the air.

This is my new motto.

Tear down this "Wall"

Adrian Belew, Dweezil Zappa, Tommy Shaw of Styx fame, Fee Waybill of the Tubes and various members of Yes are teaming up for a tribute album for Pink Floyd's "The Wall." Malcolm McDowell of "A Clockwork Orange" is also involved. "Back Against the Wall" drops Sept. 27.

Is this really necessary? Is any tribute album necessary?

Cruise Uncomfortable with Sex Acts

Oh, wait, that's sect's acts. Punny headline.

Darwin Award Candidate

He just missed this time around, after deciding to test whether the netting behind homeplate in Yankee Stadium could support his weight after jumping from an uppder deck. But he's young. I have a feeling he'll be immortalized someday.

Rumsfeld in the Propoganda Biz

Doesn't the DoD have better things to do than put on a "Freedom Walk" and Clint Black concert on 9/11? Aren't there better uses for our tax dollars?

Jerry Garcia: Still dead

The NYT uses the 10th anniversary of the biggest Deadhead's demise to get us up to date on why the Dead still haven't gone away (as much as some of us wish they would). That's thanks to an endless stream of remastered CDs, DVDs and whatnot as well as Cherry Garcia ice cream and Jerry Garcia neckties. Says guitarist Bob Weir:

I'm a big fan of John Coltrane, and I never saw him live. I don't want to put us on that level, but we don't play all of this music casually or callously, and of course Jerry would appreciate people being able to experience it.

Besides that annoying quote, the article also describes the Dead as "seminal" -- one of the most overused adjectives in describing music. I'm surprised that got by the NYT copy desk.

Grieving Mother of Slain Soldier to Be Arrested Thursday?

This could be a PR debacle for Bush.

Deep End Dining: The Undead Kraken

Score one for the homo sapiens.

Carjacker or Critic?

Marc Cohn shot in the head. Survives. Career still in ICU, however.

Stuff On My Cat

Sorry, it's lame, but how could I not post this?

All tomorrow's parties

The NYT trails the city's top party man.

Key paragraph:

While Mr. Biron meets women by the dozens, that creates another problem, keeping track of them. In his office he stood up from his chair, plunged his hands into his pockets and pulled out a clump of paper in each fist, business cards and napkin scraps with scrawled phone numbers. He opened his fingers, and the scraps fluttered onto his desk. "My God!" Mr. Biron declared. "Who are these people?"

Hey, we've all been there.

Harris, then and now

Katherine Harris, in 2000 (left) and 2005 (below). Is the transformation the result of her own personal makeover or the media's flim-flam?
The Dullard Gazette: We post, you comment.

D. Knotts on the DL

A frail Don Knotts -- known to some as Barney Fife and others as Mr. Furley -- cannot attend a festival in his honor in his hometown of Morgantown, W.Va. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it," the 81-year-old actor said.

Nate is Dead.

He fell on his head.

Narm!

Novak gone wild!

Bob Novak swears at James Carville and stalks off the set at CNN. You can see the clip on ifilm.com and probably other places on the Internets. (The unaltered image here is from an earlier, semi-rational appearance on "Meet the Press.")

Does This Woman Not Own a Mirror?

Katherine Harris claims she looks like a clown/harlot in the media because of a bunch of left-wing reporters with Photoshop.

This is the same woman who tried to eradicate citrus canker with kabbalah water. And helped subvert democracy as we once knew it in the 2000 election.

She's looking to leave Congress for a seat in the senate. In any other state besides Florida, could this screwball even get elected as dog catcher?

Krazy Konservatives

Turns out there's a nuttier conservative comic than Umbert the Unborn.

Porn in the Woods

What's up with porn in the woods? It's apparently a widespread phenomenon, or at least it was when I was a kid. There was no real secret in our house where Dad's Penthouses were stashed, but somehow the porn in the woods was just a little more exciting. Because it was illicit. And because it was battered old copies of Hustler and Oui, much skankier porn than Penthouse -- which at that time was only slightly dirtier than Playboy.

It must be a rather different experience to be a kid today, where you don't have to try very hard to get porn. Somehow I imagine the experience isn't quite as guilt-ridden -- and by "guilt-ridden" of course I mean "fun."

I have no idea who left all that porn in the woods when we were kids, but I'd like to shake his hand.

Wait, no I wouldn't....

:(

TiVo banner ads are here.

Childish, But

Funny. "Birdparty" trolls Craigslist and the like to pickup and make fun of n00bz.

Umbert The Unborn

"The world's most lovable unborn baby."

When did the Right turn from "culture of life" to "culture of unfunny, slightly creepy kitsch"?

This is Not America

More "isolated incidents."

Joss Whedon Interview

Pretty interesting chat with the man that brought you "Buffy."

I've heard of This Phenomenom

It seems drunk dialing is "a behavior limitied to human[s]." Yeah, thanks for the heads-up on that.

News Flash: Bush a Moron

Thinks "intelligent design" should be taught in schools, says Karl Rove has his "complete confidence."

Lauren Bacall Takes Xenu's Side

Calls Tom Cruise shocking, inappropriate, and vulgar. Also thinks he's a sucky actor.

Dog escapes Alcatraz!

Jake the golden retriever leaves humans in his wake in the annual swim from prison to mainland. Jake's time: 41 minutes, 45 seconds.

'Winkerbean' gets funky

Anyone else puzzled by the Afghanistan storyline in "Funky Winkerbean"? (Here's an example.) Whatever happened to band camp and Montoni's Pizza?

Fun Test

I'm a "Wit", apparently:

69% dark, 30% spontaneous, 16% vulgar
your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK